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A lesser known risk of online first, meeting later
Dating apps have changed the way we meet potential partners. But, while they can help take some of the hassle out of meeting new people, there’s one risk you may not have considered. Apps like Tinder, OkCupid or Hinge can widen your dating pool by connecting you with other single people you might not otherwise have met. They can also give you information much faster than you might get it in real life. By the time you and a potential partner have decided you want to meet up, you may already have learned lots about each other that might have taken weeks in the real world [1]. This early interaction can remove much of the mystery of dating and help speed up the process of getting to know each other. It can also help to know that there is at least some attraction between you by the time you first meet [1]. Yet, relationship research has shown that this can set many online daters up for failure. Think about the process of building your own dating profile. It’s impossible to give a complete picture so you pick and choose – and, naturally, you want to present your best side. You select the best photos, make the most of your interests, and generally remain on your best behaviour while trying to convince potential matches that they should pick you. This is a normal part of the dating process but what you may not have considered is that we tend to idealise the people we’re getting to know through apps. As you get to know someone online, you build up a version of them in your mind, based partly on reality and partly on filling in the blanks left by their profile. Over time, this imaginary version can become very compelling [2]. When you meet, the imaginary version makes way for the real thing – sometimes, this will be a person you want to continue dating and sometimes it won’t. However, if your online interaction goes on for too long without meeting up, the imagined version gets so ingrained that the real thing doesn’t have a hope of living up to it. The longer you delay the face-to-face meeting, the greater the risk that you’ll be disappointed with each other, and the less likely the relationship is to succeed [2]. So, the next time your dating app presents you with someone you think you might like, don’t wait too long to meet them. Give them the best opportunity to live up to the version of them that you think you’ve been talking to and you the best chance of meeting the real them! References [1] LeFebvre, L. E. (2018). Swiping me off my feet: Explicating relationship initiation on Tinder. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(9), 1205-1229. [2] Ramirez, A., Sumner, E., Fleuriet, C., & Cole, M. (2015). When Online Dating Partners Meet Offline: The Effect of Modality Switching on Relational Communication Between Online Daters. Journal of Computer‐Mediated Communication, 20(1), 99-114.
Article | dating, online dating
“My girlfriend's affair partner”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have recently found myself in an incredible relationship with a lady that i adore. Knowing we all have a past, i am finding hers a hard one to overlook the reason why she wants to maintain a friendship with her ex that she now has been hisside piece in his affair for a few yrs. Its more convoluted than that so i am trying to be open minded here. She dated him and lived with him, broke it off but saw each other in a non commited way. Said that they would end it with each other if the other got into a relationship, but she found out he was dating someone while they were non commited sleeping with each other. Although mad about it, and his new gf found out he stayed with the new girl. My gf then continued sleeping with him on the side in secrecy for yrs now. She maintains its his affair not hers. He has helped her move, been there when she needed someone. A bond. But now being with me she wants to maintain a relationship with him. But not with me included as "he" would have issues with it. I said i would be reluctantly open to it if she met up with him with me present and she said that it would make him uncomfortable and im being jealous and insecure. My thoughts are she is not over him and she needs to break the tie to him in order to move all into our relationship. I maintain she can have guy friends like i have girl friends but this relationship im not happy with. They have spent 7 yrs from start to now, dating and non commital sex and affair sex. It sounds so obvious writing this down but am i overthinking this?
Ask the community | cheating
“Insecure in love”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Can anyone help ease my mind? I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (who we will call D) for two years. Here is some of our history. In 2009 we met on Match.com, and dated for about a year. I was really crappy to him, lying, cheating, breaking up with him, getting back together with him, and continuing that cycle. We ended it in 2010 - because of me. I started dating someone else, (who we will call J). In 2014 I left my ex (J) because he was abusive, and my current boyfriend (D) was there for me for six months until I got the guts to leave my ex. The sixth month in, D started to let his guard down and let me in again....all for me to go back to J. Needless to say, D was crushed. 2016 approaches, J punches in me in the face. I decided enough is enough, called the cops and moved out that night. Four months after I left J, it was what I swear fate, that I ran into D again. Twice in two days. We started dating right away, not giving myself enough time to fully heal from the seven years of torment I had been through but I didn't want to lose D again. My issue is D has this friend, who we'll call M, who is married. They've been friends for 15 years, met in college because she dated his roommate at the time. Every week D and M will text each other, specifically on "Hump Day", which in itself bothers me. It's just to say hi and see how each other is doing. Some times I feel there are inappropriate memes sent, but D says they're harmless. I have voiced to D my insecurity and worries with this. Yes, she's been married 10 years and yes, over 10 years D has given me more and more chances than anyone should. He's never even given his "baby mama" as many chances as me. I just do not feel comfortable with this. Something in my gut says it's not right. He will change her oil (because he's a mechanic) and then they go out for tacos, not that often, but still. I have voiced this to D a few times, at first he was patient with me. Then, he started getting frustrated. I told him I don't get how a guy and a girl can be friends, and there not be something there. Especially when you've been friends 15 years, there has to be something there. He said there's never been anything between them and that she's like a sister to him and I should really just think of her as having a dick, but I can't because she doesn't. A couple weeks ago, I went through his phone and looked at his texts. He told me I could, but he does not like when I do it behind his back...which is what I did. So he changed his password and took off my fingerprint ID to get into his phone - which frustrates me. Last night I brought it up again how I am not comfortable with them texting. That there has to be something there. I don't care if she's married or not. I've been cheated on, I've cheated on people, I've even almost cheated with a married man, my mom and dad have cheated on one another, my son's father walked away from me when I was four months pregnant. He was, needless to say, frustrated and tried to keep is cool. He said nothing is there, that if they want to have dated, they could have but never did. I asked if there was an attraction there, he said she's not ugly but I'm not attracted to her in that way. I said is she attracted to you? He said if she was, she's never voiced it. I don't know...to me, if you're happy within your marriage or relationship, you don't have to reach out to someone of the opposite sex...even if it's just a hey, how you doing? Am I being ridiculous?!?!? Please tell me honestly.
Ask the community | insecurity, jealousy
“His lack of interest in sex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi everyone, So I have been with my partner for four years and, during the start of the relationship, he was somewhat obsessed with porn. He would masturbate anywhere from 1-3 times a day and would lie to my face saying he had cut down on porn or stopped it all together. I thought this had stopped by the time we moved in together however he would just wake up early in the morning to masturbate. We spoke about this and he has stopped this habit for the past year (or so he has told me). During the first three years of our relationship we have had a very active sex life, however i noticed that around this time last year it started to fade overtime. It has got to the point that sex is hardly ever initiated by him and it will be me that puts in the effort. Over the past couple of weeks/months, I have been trying to figure out how to liven things up with toys/pics/texts and just being overall spontaneous. I'll be waiting in lingerie for when he comes home, or invite him in the shower with me and sleeping naked but he doesn't even give me a second look. It genuinely breaks my heart and feels as though he perceives sex as a chore he has to complete (which of course i do not encourage), whenever i talk to him about this he will say things along the lines of 'fine, i'll do it tomorrow' or the classic 'i'm just tired' (no matter what time/day it is he will always say this). Even during the act, he just seems out of it and the only times he really wants it is if i suggest that we watch porn together or he fantasises about cuckolding. I just really don't know what to do, I feel pathetic and desperate sometimes. All i have running through my head is 'am i ugly?', 'does he not find me attractive anymore?', 'am i wearing too much make up or not enough?', 'maybe if i did this or that he would like it more?' I really don't know what to do at this point, I've been crying over this the past two nights as he barely touches me and the feeling of being rejected/not wanted cuts me deeply due to being abandoned as a child which i do acknowledge and try my best to overcome those feelings. Any help or advice would be so deeply appreciated.
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“Intimate three times in five years”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Well, after five years of definitely a less than sexless marriage, three times in all.. Finally had THE CHAT! He says he loves me and attractive but each night thinks I'll wait till tomorrow.. Yes tomorrow never comes.. No pun intended.. He's a closed book usually but told him how unloved unattractive I felt. I've been patient but not desperate for sex that I would cheat but one passionate kiss at least not much to ask.. So every night we'll be in bed and I may as well be sleeping next to a stone.. He wouldn't notice if I had old pj's on or nice lingerie or even naked he's only 40.. Now he does have health issues and is now depressed.. But last week I asked him if he relieved himself he said yes last week and I know it would be to porn.. So no I am not upset that he can't be intimate I'm angry.. If you've no sex drive yet can't respond to your partner naked next to you but can do that then you are either a liar or keeping something from me. Then he admitted he also feels untrusted.. Well, over five years ago I found a secret twitter account where he'd been tweeting a female workmate way too flirty he had worked with her every night for 8 years I'd never heard of her.. Reading the tweets I was stunned I'm all for having friends but then to see thanks for visiting?? He had visited her at home once then it was twice but both times with friends when she had broken her leg.. If he had told me I would have said get her some flowers but it was the week I was in hospital with pneumonia and he couldn't visit me.. He wouldn't add me on Facebook but liked all her sorry.. slutty pics and a man's work leaving do turned out to be hers as I found out later and he'd been liking her outfit pic in the bathroom just before he went and rolled in at 6am..he finally understood he'd been disrespectful and after another 18 months I finally said enough take her off twitter and Facebook..I would have done it instantly if I had been behaving like that. He did she moved job and got a boyfriend it's the sneakiness he said he had never had a woman as a friend and it was work banter.. I let it go and accepted he'd not carry it on.. But the visiting at home was still niggling so I sent her a polite txt... She said he'd never mentioned a partner once and was very secretive but he visited twice both times alone.. Even when I told him what she said he still lied to my face.. Just the last few months I've got over the lies and deceit and after our chat I asked how he got there.. Nice.. two buses there and back. He then had another female at work start the same but he said he'd nipped it in the bud.. Partly I felt I had caused his depression by taking his 'friend' away.. So you can see where the mistrust comes in sometimes I've pretended to be asleep when he gets home not to feel like a stranger in my own bed but all he says partly I believe but funny all the intimacy stopped exactly the time she popped up. On twitter etc he's great in all other ways but now I'm getting to the point where I think uuck.. Do I really want to sleep with him never mind me intimate and days I want to say leave the car keys and door keys.. I just wish I knew if he was being truthful and things could improve or do I say adios thanks for the memories.. Nightmares.. Its his only day off today and jokingly I said you know tonight's the night he laughed and said yes takeaway and a movie.. Ffs is he just dim.. Depressed or a snide two faced liar. I'm at the end of my tether and 20 years together can't drag on if it's one sided I don't need him I want him but I want him to want me or at least take drama lessons..i still think he's carrying a torch for her and his porn watching has got him to a point where he can't do the deed with a real person. Sorry long rant but not told anyone before.. So any advice? Lying using snake or a depressed man? I have tried to help do I cut my losses while I love him or let him stay as a roommate which is all he feels like and be taken over by bitterness? The trust issue is his burden trust has to be re earned when broken or am I just putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 and overreacting?
User article | sex, communication, sexless
“Should I wait?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I am a female 50 yrs old. 25 yrs ago I had a gf. She was 18 & I was 24. I was good to her treated her like she was special. Made her feel special. Then for reasons that I don't know I started treating her mean. Well, she snuck away in the middle of the night. I tried to find her many times throughout the years. Finally , recently, I got in touch with her.she lives 3, 000 mikes away and 9 months ago she got married. She has been with her husband 5 yrs. The 1st 4 yrs. He beat her. He stopped beating her 14 months ago but he has been in jail for 9 of those months. She says She loves him. I didn't realize until we spoke how much I missed her & that I still have love for her. She says that she feels the same but she is married now. I respect that. She wants to give him another chance when he gets out & if he hits her she says that she will leave him. She sent me some nude pics. But then she felt bad & we set boundaries. With her in the lead we passed the boundaries again & went further. Sexting and ph. sex. When he gets out this month she says I cannot contact her anymore because he will beat her. I have no plans on jeopardizing what she has. She says She will contact me. She tokd me not to wait. To go out & date & if he hits her & she leaves him & I am single we can be together. I have no interest in dating anyone else. I want to wait for her. But actually don't want to give my hopes up. Should I wait for her?
Ask the community | dating, trust
“Getting over betrayal?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I'm really struggling to speak to my wife to discuss our children after an affair (on her part). Cutting a very long story short, my wife & I (in my mind) was happy, she was my soul mate and best friend. I told her everything and anything, we spent most of our time together (at work and home) we have 2 amazing children who I love dearly. I have always played a main role in both their up bringing due to me working from home since they were born. Four months ago my wife said out of the blue she wasn't happy and she had feelings for somebody else (one of our friends) she is now living with him and my 2 kids, i'm in the family home which is full of memories and ghosts. I still have regular contact with the kids but no where as much as I would like due to having to start a new job (we closed down our business due to no longer been able to work together) she got really nasty and said a lot of lies which involved me been arrested so she could clear out our home. (i hand on heart did nothing wrong. i have no reason to lie on here as nobody knows me) I don't understand how her personality can change so much - i can only think he is manipulating her (don't get me wrong i would like to 'hurt' him shall we say for what he has done, however i know i will be punished for it - so theres really no point. I just don't understand what I did? Everything was fab before - she was in tears telling me at first, so apologetic but then just turned nasty saying it was my fault she's not been happy for months etc. I did NOT once get asked for a sit down to discuss things, where i/we may have been going wrong etc. It literally went form picture perfect to its over! over night. It's really messing with my head and in all honesty i have silly thoughts all the time, my whole world has ended i just want out! but my 2 amazing kids, i cant leave them - they need me... now more than ever, they are use to seeing me 24/7 i did bath, tea bed - the lot every day. My eldest screams when i drop him off, begging me not to take him there "i dont love mummy" "i want to live with you" it kills me!!! (i'm 99% certain that she won't hurt him, no idea about the new guy though) She's now been nice again (personally i think she's having a mental break down) but she says i can come up and do bath time bed time etc, come for tea - come for xmas (wtf) (all with the new guy there) i'm sorry i just can't deal with it - like i say it was just 4 months ago, it feels so fresh like it was only a week or 2, these 4 moths have flown its scary. Please help me people! How do I get over it? I don't want her back, she's a raving evil nutter - i just want to learn how to get over the betrayal??? I hope i have made sense. Can i forgive her? How do I do it? - more my own sake as well as the kids Thanks in advance One very unhappy lonely dad 🙁 #menhavefeelingstoo
Ask the community | counselling, therapy, parenting apart, breakups
“Is it love or lust?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I’ve been married for 2 years, but with my husband for 5 years. We’ve had a tough year with our relationship and I’ve struggled with the lack of commitment given to our relationship by my husband. He has become emotionally and physically unengaged– he promises me nothing has happened to make him be different and says he loves me but he can’t seem to love me like he used to, I’m always giving chances after chance but I seem to get hurt every time with broken promises and lack of effort made to make our relationship work. So I began to look at myself, thinking maybe it is me, maybe I don’t have the love for myself so I began working on my own confidence/happiness so started with getting myself into fitness, getting my old body back and getting back into something I love. So, 6 months ago I joined a fitness group this has been a life saviour for me, and my attitude towards my life, relationship and my work. However, in this fitness group I met this guy who has become someone very dear to me as a friend, we began meeting outside of the fitness group for coffee, running, social events with the fitness group and we now speak every day. He speaks to me with such respect, interest, care about a month ago he went away for a few weeks and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to fizzle the friendship out to a certain aspect as the dynamics of our friendship had begun to change, things he had been saying insinuated he may possibly have feelings and I felt myself sharing such feelings, an attraction to him. This guy was due to go on holiday for 3 weeks, so I felt myself feeling as if I should fizzle out the relationship as I felt terrible I would let myself do this, and I owed my own relationship the respect it deserved after all I chose to marry this man. During the 3 weeks, I resisted all I could to not communicate with this guy, and I couldn’t but it was a lot less than it was previously – and soon the conversations became very bland so to speak, but inside I missed him so very much, but thought this was good it had actually fizzled out and it was more lust rather than anything else. However, now he is back from holiday and I've seen him in our fitness group, it has flooded back all my thoughts, emotions and conversations have sparked back without a second thought, it is like we gravitate to one another without even meaning too – I’m still trying to resist talking to him and backing off. But my relationship, still seems to have no improvements.
Ask the community | crush, someone else
“Is my baby's father interested?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I was seeing him when he was still in a relationship. He has since then split from his partner but has a daughter from that relationship. When I told him I was pregnant he told me I had to have the baby (I was planning on another abortion until I found out I was five months). But couldn’t be involved straight away as the split from his partner had affected his daughter and he needed to put her first. This was in April. He carried on seeing me throughout my pregnancy but never asked anything about it. I told him about scans and how it was going etc. I gave birth to my beautiful boy nearly three weeks ago, which I told him when I gave birth. I asked if he wanted to see baby and the response I got was that I should rest since I had a c-section and he’d get to see him when he does. Since then he’s spoken to me normally and occasionally asks how baby is doing but it doesn’t move past that. I also asked about a middle name and what surname to put down on the birth certificate and he said that it was up to me and I should choose. He didn’t seem too keen to give him his surname. Am I wrong to question if he wants to be involved again? I feel like he’s not very interested. Yet wants to see me for sex etc? I’m really confused about what to do in regards to this.
Ask the community | trust, cheating
“He never wants to be intimate”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hello everyone, I've been needing to get something off my chest for a long time now. It's something very personal and I can't bring myself to talk to anyone in my social circle or family, because I feel very embarrassed, neglected and as if something is wrong with me. I've been seeing my partner for about 10 months now. For context, I haven't had very many sexual partners as I've always been in committed relationships since my teens (and am now 24). My partner (28) on the other hand has had many sexual partners and has never been in a committed relationship before me, and would, I quote, "pump and dump". So a very big player who would just fuck around, pardon my language. At the beginning of the relationship, physically everything was great, we were both very into each other and would be intimate almost every time we saw each other. However, after 4/5 months of being together, the physical intimacy became much more scarce. He would never initiate, or say he was tired. I was the one always initiating and trying to be intimate, and they would just make up an excuse or laugh it off like a joke. I would try everything, wearing sexy lingerie while walking around the apartment, joining them in the shower, walking and lying around naked... And they would just either ignore it or react as if I was making a joke. And now it's gotten to a point where I'm too worried about rejection to even try anymore, and it's such a horrible feeling knowing that if I don't try, they'll never even bother to initiate (which is the sad reality). It's just feels so humiliating, that the person that's meant to love me and be attracted to me doesn't even want to touch me. He talks long term goals, including marriage, potentially having kids and buying property together, so I know he's not cheating on me and is very much attracted to me still. I am considered by societies standards as conventionally attractive, and receive a lot of attention from the opposite sex. But I don't get any from the person I love, and it makes me feel as if I'm disgusting or something is wrong with me. I feel so ashamed and humiliated, and am so worried because we're not even a year into our relationship and we're already having intimacy issues, and we're both a young couple who should theoretically be in their prime physically. There are also issues when we are intimate. I only climax from oral, not from penetrative sex. He said when we first started seeing each other, that he was a "selfless lover" and couldn't selfish if he wanted to be, because he got off on his partner getting off. And he couldn't get me to climax through regular sex, and I did tell them I could only climax through oral, and then he just gave up. He doesn't even try. In the 10 months we've been together, I can count the number of times he's gone down on me on one hand. And he always says how he "loves" how I taste and makes these remarks like "I can't wait for dessert" or something along those lines, but then never actually does it. So it makes me feel so dejected and as if I'm dirty and disgusting. I'm at a point where I don't know what to do anymore, I feel as though I've given up. Even going to bed, he doesn't cuddle and normally comes to bed after I've already fallen asleep.so I just end up crying myself to sleep. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel so alone and dejected.
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“Conditional sex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been with my partner for over 4 years although I have known him since I was a teenager. We both have been married before and have children from previous relationships. When we first got together sex was amazing and all the time, I had never felt so fantastic and I felt that I had finally found someone who understood and matched my sexual desire. I took ill and was stuck at home for over a year, lost my job and my confidence and gained weight. While I was unwell there was a change, I was often the one to initiate sex and he would say it would be selfish for him to want sex when I was ill. I said I could make the decision if I was up to it or not there would be an argument and he would huff for a while but then carry on. We did always however have a good level of closeness always holding hands, hugging and being together. Once I recovered we got back to having great sex again but there was a change, he seems to only want sex if I wear a dress, stockings and heels. This is 'what he likes' and it seems he is just not interested in me otherwise and he rarely initiates sex. These conditions that seem to be almost like rules now make me feel quite sad, I miss just making love on a Saturday morning or having a 'quickie' when the kids are out. He may think I look sexy when I dress like this but I just feel unattractive and under great pressure and I never feel good enough. He is a perfectionist and he will point out if there is the smallest snag in my stockings or I haven't shaved properly. It is as though he has standards that I just don't meet anymore so he would rather do without sex. I love him deeply and fancy him like crazy but I am sexually frustrated and scared we are drifting too far apart to fix it.
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“I've met someone else”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi everyone, I've been with my partner for over 11 years and we have a 4 year old daughter. We've had relationship issues for a long time, lack of physical contact, little/no sex, arguments etc. Just recently i met someone I was doing a favour for. We clicked and exchanged numbers, we've both agreed it's nothing more than friends but i cant help having feelings for her, its made my situation worse with my partner as its now getting to the point where i don't want to go to bed, i don't want to talk to her and although I'm a very physical person the idea of being intimate with her really turns me off. This other woman is a bit older than me but the way she talks to me I feel human again, not just a dad/taxi/handyman etc. I know its wrong to have feeling for someone else especially when they'll never be reciprocated but what do i do? The biggest thing is i can't split up with my current partner as i know she will use our daughter as a weapon, the thought of not seeing my daughter everyday kills me inside but i cant have one without the other. Its a giant mess really. My partner is starting to notice my lack of contact, although i think she's quite happy about my lack of sexual attention towards her. I know I'm an awful person for behaving like this but i just don't know what to do, help please 🙁
Ask the community | someone else, emotional affair, cheating
“Lying about his financial situation”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I'm a 23 year old law student working as a paid legal intern, he's a 27 year old businessman. We've met through an online dating site and have been together for a year now. The problem is, I have no love left for him anymore as I'm starting to resent him for lying to me about his financial situation. At the beginning when we started dating, I assumed he had a steady income and financial stability. We talked briefly about his line of work, since it was relatively obscure, and I didn't probe much into the matter about how his business is doing. Four months into the relationship, I noticed changes in his behavior when it came to going/eating out - he suddenly started complaining about how much we were spending weekly, even though it was much less than what we'd spent in the early stages of our relationship, and started talking about the financial hardships he went through to make the point that I should be grateful/appreciative over being taken out for brunch. I was really shocked at this since he never acted like this in the beginning. After I talked to him about this, he admitted he has no yearly income and is living off his savings until his business settlement is cleared (he has no idea when it'll be cleared). He had initially bragged to me about his ample savings account and now he claims he actually only has 1/10th of that! To make matters worse, he has pending child support payments to an ex who he had a child with (I was also not made aware of his out-of-wedlock kid when I met him, I've only recently found out about it by accident when he left an old birthday card addressed to his daughter on the dinner table). I feel so betrayed and angry, I just felt the need to vent. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Ask the community | cheating, finance
“Boyfriend watching transgender porn”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Me and my partner have been together and lived together for almost 3 years! 6 months into our relationship I come home from work as he left for work and he accidentally left transgender porn on his computer. I confronted him. He denied it and said it must have been a random video that was next lined up. I believed him and left it. Happened again another 4 times over the next year. He denied every one and had an excuse for each.i then found myself anxious and suspicious. I went through his computer and phone one night and found more than enough evidence of his interests. I screenshotted everything. That morning I confronted him. He denied it for a second then admitted to everything. We broke up then 2 weeks later we got back together. As long as he kept his promise to stay away from this kind of porn. As to me it is not natural.? i told him if I see it again we will break up again. I’ve just found more on his laptop and computer. And I’m so scared he might be gay or one day loose interest. I’m disgusted. I have confronted him again. He admitted to it. Although I mentioned why would he do it again if it meant loosing the relationship but he had no answer for me. Please help me.
Ask the community | pornography, rejection
“How do I leave him?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've been in a relationship with a borderline alcoholic with a narcissistic personality for about 3 and a half years. We live together but spent the last month apart. I went to stay with my mum with my two cats and left him the flat. His drinking has become a huge problem and a year ago I received a serious health diagnosis which I've been trying to come to terms with. The main problem is that he is more interested in going to the pub with his mates than helping me cope with all this. It got to a point where he was coming back late at night completed drunk, waking me up or making me wait up before I could cook dinner for us because he hadn't phoned to let me know he was going to be home late, tripping over the cats and being a general nuisance. My health condition was brought on by extreme stress and he is only adding to that. If I am suddenly ill and have to go to hospital, I can't rely on him to be able to care for me or even be sober enough to call for an ambulance. I'm back temporarily but I asked him to still give me my space. That includes sleeping in separate rooms. So far I've been packing my things down into boxes because I don't want to/can't afford to live in our flat anymore. I want to move back to my home town, which he has known about for a long time because I told him before our break. What I'm finding now is that he's not actually respecting my boundaries and is now actively looking for flats in my home town for both of us to live in. What he's not understood is the fact I don't want to be with him at all and I want to move on my own. I'm trying really hard to not disrupt the peace in our flat at the moment as it just creates a volatile environment for not only me but the cats too. I've considered just taking a day off work when I know he won't be at home and just moving all my stuff out. After that I'd tell him it was over when he can't do anything to stop me. Has anyone got any advice?
Ask the community | breakups, big changes