“Haven't had sex in two months”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hello. New to the group here... We have been together, 12 years, my husband says he is very much attracted to me, and basically wants no other. Our sex life, I believe was very good. Porn, not an issue, toys, not an issue, exploring, not an issue. But for him, he has not had an interest in sex in at least two months. Yes I have mentioned it to him. Yes I have said I miss having sex with him. I am a very sexual person. We have had relationship issues in past, but i believed we were past. Apparently not enough to where it has now affected our sex life. He drives trucks and yes i am with him in truck 24/7, but i do go home every 4 weeks for a few weeks to handle appointments. No, he is not one to be a cheater or even consider cheating. I am truly his world and his true love. I just would really like us to have our sex life back. I have even gone to the point of telling him i have my vibrator with me in the showers these days and its not an issue for him where as in the past it would have been. I have lost weight. I am not a big girl, I am a medium size person. I am attractive, so far so say, yes, sexually looking. Just he has no magnetism towards me, and i remember so long ago when we first met, he had his ex-wife living with him, and they were not sexual, that is how i feel at this point. We live together, sleep side by side, and have no sexual contact. But he says he will never be without me. I so desperately want our sex life back...i am a very sexual person and need want my husband... HELP... I'm at a loss here.
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“I have fantasies about someone else”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I really don't understand myself. I hate to admit it to say the truth even to myself. I consider myself a loyal person who doesn't wanna mess around. I want a relationship that works. I'm in a relationship with my first love. We're certain about our future. We're gonna build a family together. However, my mind oftentimes slips away and fantasizes other guys. I always convince myself that it is just a short-time madness, and most of the time it is. The feeling did fade away, but I feel so terrible for my boyfriend. He doesn't deserve this. We always have sweet talks like always. I love the way we are. Stupid and shitty as it is, I am fantasizing my professor. I never have until he appeared in my dream once. I've started to notice him like what the f**k. I've started to lock swift eyes on him. Weird thing is I caught him does the same shit. My mind and my head is a complete mess. I am naturally attracted to good looking guys, but as I say I don't fall in love if my mind does not think about it further. It fades, but when my mind keeps thinking and analyzing shit, it will be messed up. Like what the hell. Normally, my boyfriend and I always share every secret with each other, but this. I don't wanna hurt him cuz it'll hurt me too. I don't share my sheepish stories even with my best friend because I believe time will make everything up for me as it always does. And, another thing is we used to break up once due to some other reasons, but we were back together after a short period of time cuz we couldn't live without one another. But, during that time, I was hurt as hell, but I let myself loose to see good in other guys. Three guys were falling for me. My mind was so conflicted. I had some feelings for them too, but I know deep down I love my bf, so I didn't give them any chances. Why am I always like this? It is so unfair for my bf. I don't wanna be like this too, but I can't stop my messy head oftentimes. I just wanna release my thoughts. Keeping it to myself makes it hard on me. I would like to hear other people's stories too.
Ask the community | someone else, emotional affair
“Unrequited for 12 years”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My situation is ridiculously unusual. I am in a platonic loving partnership with a man for the past 12 years or more. No sexual contact exists between us because he has had no experiences yet plenty of rejection by girls when he was growing up. I have tried various ways to work through the the physical stuff yet simply hit a brick wall. I am immensely very attractive and very giving of my self to him in all other ways despite still having my own strong feelings for a man I knew - 12 years ago or more. This man isn't married yet in a long term relationship with a woman, he also has a strange complex relationship with his sister and likes to seduce young men to engage in sexual activities with him. He doesn't know that I know all of this yet am pretty certain his wife knows something yet way too protective of the falsehood family he appears to embrace. Whilst I haven't gone all out to let him know my feelings entirely nor to his wife, he has gone all out to let me know that he still likes me - can't say how because anyone could read my post and link stuff together. His attraction to me isn't superficial and does have history - never slept with him, yet the opportunities always there and both of us shared a meaningful, somewhat deeper human connection, his wife sort of figured out something was 'going on' yet nothing at all physical, despite him making physical gestures and comments that he wanted to make out with me. Over the past 12 years we now only bump into one another and still those feelings are mutual yet unexplored. Every time he sees me, beeps his horn at me etc.... He is locally known by a lot of people and runs a tenancy business . I love my partner wholeheartedly and never once cheated on him, yet these unexplored feelings for this other man plague my life - he is surrounded and protected by others, not because of me, yet because of other things I can't go into. I guess I am attracted to danger, who knows?
User article | someone else
“How to talk to husband about sex toys?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've been married for almost a year and my husband's sex drive has diminished a lot. He is 39 and I am 29. We used to have sex about four or five times a week for about a year (about six months dating and three months married), but now we barely get it on once a week. He just switched jobs and we moved to a new country and I understand he is under a lot of pressure, but I know from his browser history that he has been watching porn about three or four times a week. I suspect he masturbates but I'm not sure. I don't pry, he leaves the porn tabs open and, as we share computers, I run across them. I've tried approaching the subject calmly and asking if he wants to try something new but he denies it and doesn't want to talk about it. I know he is curious about anal sex and toys from his porn searches, which are pretty softcore, btw. So i want to try some of them with him. The problem is... he is a typical christian macho man who says masturbation and porn are wrong even though he does it on the side. I am totally okay with both and we have talked about it, he knows I respect his privacy and as long as he is not choosing porn over me or getting addicted, I am fine with it. I am just worried now that he doesn't want to have sex with me but is watching porn often. Our sex life has been on decline in quality too. Honestly, using a vibrator, for example, would really be great for me too, since lately he just finishes in two minutes and barely even tries to touch me. I haven't let myself go, I've actually been exercising for over six months now and look better than before. I try to dress nicely for him and make myself up but he doesn't seem to care. I just want to make sex interesting again... for both of us. Should I even try to talk to him about it or would I be risking damaging his masculinity too much? How can I bring it up without hurting his masculinity? I am at my wit's end here... Thanks and sorry for the long post.
Ask the community | pornography, masturbation
“Social skills and team sports”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   One of the best after-school activities for kids is to participate in youth sports. Taking part in different sports activities over the school years can benefit kids in a number of ways. Not only they get great much-needed exercise from sports, but taking part in team sports also provide them with numerous valuable life lessons. It’s often encouraged that kids can participate in sports from a very young age. Take a look at how kids benefit from playing sports. Gaining social skills Social skills are best gained when children take part in team sports that require and enable them to interact with one another. Kids who are not talented athletes will still benefit from team sports as they will learn a lot by interacting with the other kids. Shy or timid-natured kids can learn a lot and improve their social skills by playing team sports. Team sports allow kids to solve problems by communicating with each other – listening and taking in others' ideas, and brainstorming together to reach a strategy. Kids can develop leadership skills by being a part of a team. The communications practice that they get goes a long way to help them in evolving their minds for future leadership roles. Getting much needed exercise Organised sports events enable kids to get mental and physical exercise. Their mind and body can get a great workout by taking part in sport activities. Outdoor recreational sports enable kids to create bonds with other children, making memories that last forever. Paying sports also acts as an excellent stress reducer, promoting healthy body and minds. Better academic performance Children who are more active in sports may show a greater success rate at school than kids who are not so active. Participating in sports may enhance fine motor skills in children. It can also refresh their minds, allowing them to pay better attention in class. Sports can help them by sharpening their focus and improving their memory. Team sports also teach kids how to follow instructions and directions, helping them to cope better at school. Forming friendships through teamwork Children's interpersonal skills are developed as they participate in teamwork. This helps them develop strong bonds and promotes a better social life down the road. They learn how to form friendships by supporting each other and working towards a common goal. It helps improve co-operation and leadership skills and teaches them how to accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Teamwork also makes sports more fun as they get to share the experience with other kids and they learn how to cheer each other on. Encouraging healthy competition Sport provides children with a healthy outlet for competition. Team sports teach kids how to compete with others fairly and how to give their best towards winning. It also teaches that while it’s great to win, it’s also OK to lose sometimes. They learn that practicing something enables them to perform better. They learn that, through discipline and hard work, they can fare better. Competition in sports also teaches them to stay positive even though the situation may not always be in their favor. For instance, if their team loses, they still need to remain positive to uplift the team’s morale. Reinforcing mental health Being a part of organised team sports teaches kids to be more self-aware and boosts their self-esteem. Teamwork makes them feel more valued and needed. It teaches them to think big and how to be a part of something that is bigger than themselves. Playing recreational sports can relieve stress and help them to combat anxiety. Parents can offer encouragement and compliments to children, rewarding them for their achievements. This can help build their confidence. Performing well at team sports can also earn the acknowledgment and respect of the teammates, actively building positive self-esteem. Learning to manage and organise time Sports teach children how to follow instructions. This helps them learn how to manage time for the different activities in their lives such as school, homework, house chores and other forms of recreation. They learn how to make time for each activity and how to make commitments based on the time they have allotted. Teaches them a good sporting attitude Participating in team sports is a great way to learn about the value of sportsmanship. They get to learn the importance of fair play and how everyone deserves a chance at playing. They learn how to play their part by taking responsibility and how to not argue if things don’t always go their way. One of the biggest lessons learned is how to lose graciously and not to brag if you win. The value of team play is emphasised and they can also learn how to cheer their teammates on. Learning to respect others Team sport can teach children how to respect the decisions of referees, umpires, coaches and other officials. This also enables them to build respect for themselves and to respect the development of their careers. Respect for other individuals helps them to establish positive habits throughout their lives. As parents, it is your responsibility to provide your children with positive experiences throughout their childhood, so that their development takes proper shape. Providing them with access to sports facilities can go a long way in ensuring that. Adequate sports experiences as a child can encourage kids to keep making healthy life choices. It also helps them stay actively involved in sports and have an energetic lifestyle. So, help your child to make the right choice by involving them in sports at a young age.
User article | friends, school
“He watches porn but never touches me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I didn't ever want to have to talk about this, it's so hurtful, but here I am. My BF and I have been together eight years and it has been so amazing after ironing out the beginning, which should have just smacked me and clear then but nope. In the last three years – yep that's right, three years – we haven't had sex. Nor kissing with passion. I get the same smooch his mother gets! No tight snuggles, no lying watching a movie together. It's him on his phone and I watch TV alone. I have tried and tried to start something but it's play stupid and roll over game. After three years a person has been over-patient. It started as me trying to walk by him naked or spray my perfume on before bed, sexy panties. I'm a small woman, nothing has changed with me, and I get nothing from him, not even a rollover for a kiss. He faces away from me and turns his head to the side for my magical goodnight kiss. In the last seven months, I have started to say "I'm here why don't you want me"? But i get excuses or it gets turned around on me so I am made to feel bad. Now it's to the point of me crying and crying, "Why don't you want me?" "What can I do to change?". I was made to feel his sex drive was low and he is so sorry, blah blah blah.. Screw that! His sex drive isn't too low for porn! He hasn't been touching me but he sure has been doing it to porn... We have watched porn together. I'm up for it, for sure, to help get a little dirtier but when you don't touch me unless you have been watching porn... no thank you! And you know what kills me? After I sat many many times over and over like an ass thinking he would stop, he won't do it because I told him it makes me feel ugly and unwanted and just discarded that he doesn't get aroused by me but has to use other women? I thought "My man isn't like that, he will stop, he knows it hurts me, and he wont hurt me". Boy was I wrong. He not only keeps watching it alone but hides the page or clicks the home button when I walk in the room. Like I'm not a complete idiot. So again last night, people, I cried and begged him to please stop watching it alone. Touch me if you're horny, I'm right here, why aren't I good enough? And I get deny, deny, deny and now I'm crazy, I didn't see porn, he isn't watching that. I have problems, I'd better go see a counsellor. I'm an embarrassment, I'm being an Idiot... I'm told to f off, get out of his face, he's tired of my bullshit. Last night, I lay in bed with so much going on in my mind. I kept to myself, watched a movie and fell asleep. Woke up at 5:15 cause I rolled over and, hmmm, he was gone... strange. So I got up to pee and, lo and behold, there he was on the couch on his phone. As soon as he saw me, that phone was flipped over faster than you can imagine. So I asked, "Hey, wanna prove me wrong? Let me see your phone. Show me the last page you were on. Just one. Prove me a paranoid crazy woman, just show me something", and as I stood there crying, pleading to him to prove me I'm wrong he tells me he's tired and will show me later... And his phone is hidden. Weird how it isn't on the end table like it is every night for the last eight years!!! My last comment to him was, "If you can't show me your phone and prove me wrong, then I now know I'm %110 right. He isn't going to stop. He doesn't care how it makes me feel and what am I doing still writing this? No sex for three years, over-excessive pain and anger, that's how my life has been. But I do see I'm not alone. To any woman or man that has a partner that makes them feel this way in any shape or form – please don't keep hurting yourself by letting someone stomp on your trust and heart. You're amazing and don't let anyone tell or show you different. Sorry it's probably all over the map, I'm still shaking from this morning's hidden phone event! Someone, anyone, talk to me please.
Ask the community | pornography, masturbation, sexless
“Could my wife be gay?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My wife and I have been married for two decades. After our second/last child was conceived, my wife's libido dropped to zero. This was 15 years ago. When I told her that lack of intimacy and sex in our marriage was putting me on the edge of walking away she agreed to try to spice things up. She said that it was difficult to get in the mood because she was always so tired from work and household chores. I took the cue and took over all of the household duties, but still no response from her. I offered to watch some porn together to see if that would help and she agreed but only if it were all girls videos. When she would watch these with me she responded quite well! Without the video, if I would initiate contact by touching her she would have no physiological response. I don't think that she is aware of any of this, she certainly hasn't been willing to talk about it with me. But I started putting two and two together and I wonder if she didn't marry me to be able to have a "normal" life, be able to raise a family, and avoid all of the challenges of a non-standard nuclear family that she would have to face in a same sex relationship.
Ask the community | pornography, masturbation
“Sexual insecurity after getting an IUD”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I am aware that a lot of questions on this site already revolve around what I’m going to talk about now, and that there doesn’t seem to be a lot of people left commenting but I have the strong urge to talk to someone about this and I don’t want to bother anyone in real life with it. My boyfriend and I have only been dating for roughly a year but there already seems to be an issue in the bedroom – he’s my first serious boyfriend and we lost our virginitys to one another. That being said, in the beginning we were (as to be expected) very ‘eager’ to do it, numerous times a day, multiple days a week all that good stuff. We had some issues concerning birth control (me going on the pill and having really extreme and bad reactions to it) and I ended up getting a copper IUD inserted because my body just seems to be very sensitive to hormones. Since then, I haven’t been ‘in touch’ with my body – I’m a naturally very insecure person and suffer from a few mental disorders that make me very sensitive and anxious especially when it comes to my physical appearance. It’s been this way since the very beginning (because it’s a ‘me’ problem) i.e. not being able to do certain positions because I’m too insecure that you could see how fat I must look (even though I know that I’m actually pretty skinny after having lost a bunch of weight due to mental reasons), not being able to perform oral on him because I’m too scared of not doing a good enough job – the list goes on. But since I had the IUD put in (or maybe not, I can’t remember too well honestly), I’ve grown more and more ashamed of my own body – the reason is that now, I produce a lot of ‘fluid’. No idea if it’s because of the IUD (I’ve heard women say that they experience excessive wetness after having that) but to me it seems like that’s the only logical explanation. It’s just too much. The worst part about it is that because of the excessive fluid, the friction gets less and less – I’ve done kegel exercises, I’ve tried researching in every way I could (and I’m 17 and was a virgin before him so), I’ve started beating myself up about it so much to the point where the thought of sex isn’t fun anymore. It stresses me out. This is also because he said something once, not in a mean-spirited way or to hurt me, but it was something along the lines of ‘…why aren’t you as tight as you used to be?’.. He has never said it again, never purposefully made me feel bad about myself and he does always try to show me that he’s attracted to me and that I’m not an ugly piece of shit but that question has stuck with me. Even though it’s been over half a year, even though he’s never mentioned it again, even though I explained to him that it was the excessive amount of lubrication my body was producing that made it feel like I was somehow ‘loose’ (or I really am haha fuck me) – it’s stuck in my head. I deal with a lot of insecurity just because of the way I am and how I was treated previously, and now I feel absolutely sexually inadequate. I feel like I’m a disappointment as a woman because all a woman needs to be is sexually desirable and the perfect ‘fuck doll or else she has no worth – and even though I know that not to be true and stupid it’s still so evident in our society and it only adds to me feeling worthless. And now that his sex drive has also decreased over time (He started a business a few months ago so he naturally has less free time to spend on me which is something I can fully understand) it only adds to it. I never initiate sex because of how insecure I am and how scared I am of being rejected (also it just turns me on more to be ‘submissive’ in the bedroom if anyone knows what I mean) and so it only happens if he’s in the mood. We joke about me having a really high sex drive and wanting to go pretty much anytime of the day but deep down it really bugs me and makes me feel like I’m not right or dirty or not desirable enough since we’re always taught that men are supposed to be the ones to crave sex and women are supposed to be the gate keepers and only put out every once in a while. I feel like it’s not normal that he doesn’t constantly want sex, and because it’s my first relationship I have no idea what other people are like. When we do have sex I get very bad performance anxiety at times and generally don’t enjoy it as much as I think I could (I’ve never had an orgasm when we had sex, only a full number of 3 times during our entire relationship when he performed oral on me which is something I normally don’t let him do because I’m too insecure and ashamed of my body), which is also why I think I would be able to go for round 7# or 10# or 65# - because I don’r really get fully satisfied. I can also see that most of these problems are my own fault because I 1) don’t initiate 2) never let him do oral in the past and now I don’t think he’d ever try again because I rejected him so often 3) I purposefully make it about him and his pleasure because I feel so uncomfortable and I just want to know that I pleased him, no matter what I feel. We now have sex maybe once every two or three weeks which is way too little for me – it gets me to the brink of insanity honestly. We’re 17 for christ’s sake. I’ve reached a point where if he tries touching me I get extremely anxious and just want him to stop, I don’t find myself attractive and I constantly remind myself of how much better other women look, how their butt’s are way bigger, how their boobs are more plump, how their stomach’s are more flat – the list goes on. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m not desirable enough to make him want to have sex with me – at the same time, I usher his hand away when he touches me, because I’m too scared of him feeling or seeing any sort of imperfection and finding me disgusting for it. I’ve brought to his attention that I want to have more sex and how it makes me feel, he said he was sorry and that he’d try his best but that he’s got a lot to do because of his business and such which I totally understand. I still feel like he just plain and simple doesn’t find me hot. I feel like I’m not woman enough to please him (even though I know that’s stupid and sexist, it’s somehow ingrained in my head). I don’t want to talk to my friends about it because I know for a fact that their problem is their boyfriends constantly wanting sex and them not being in the mood, which only makes me feel worse in comparison. I’m starting to refuse to have sex even though I want it to bad because I’m too scared of doing a bad job (there have been several really awkward situations which I guess is completely normal and he just laughed it off but that type of stuff haunts me forever) I also don’t want to talk to him about this again because I don’t feel like he understands or deems it a big issue, especially since I have already talked to him about it and I can also acknowledge that I’m the problem, not him. I must seem like a total mess but since I don’t expect anyone to read or comment, I guess it’s okay to be honest.
Ask the community | sex, intimacy
“My partner watches porn instead”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've been with my partner only two years and have had a baby together (six months old). I understand having a baby probably changes things sexually, but I'm not convinced that's all it is here. I've been through his search history loads of occasions and know he watches porn now and again and it really fucks me off. Not because I have a problem with it because I don't – I enjoy watching porn too – but want it to be something we do together or even he does when he's putting out even. But no!!! I can instigate sex and he just acts like he's not interested all the time. In fact I'm always the one that does, never him. He's not very affectionate towards me and just shuts off when I try to talk to him about it, does not say a word. Doesn't assure me he's happy with me or anything. This morning I was wondering around naked, then in underwear for a good hour. I could tell he was playing with himself under the covers and had a look on his face like I might actually get lucky, but no. I started to get bored of him ignoring me as always and popped down stairs for five mins as soon as I was gone. He watches porn on his phone and had a wank. WTF. For me, physical contact is a must and I can enjoy porn and masturbating all day long but on its own is just not satisfying enough. I'm so sick of feeling hurt and upset and betrayed. I'm far from perfect like all of us however I'm not that bad and am a confident person generally not easily threatened by other females, but with my partner now I just feel I'm not good enough for him. He seems so much more interested in any other girl except me. And it's tearing me up inside. I feel mugged off and don't really understand why he's even with me really. Just to make clear, I'm very open about how I feel. I've said on so many occasions I'm happy with him watching porn but feel uncomfortable when he doesn't want sex with me and does it behind my back. I've said I'd like to watch it with him but get the feeling the reason he doesn't want to is because he watching girls that are nothing like me??? The fact he goes silent when I ask any questions about it drives me mad and the saying 'silence speaks a thousand words' is so very true, I believe. I just don't know what to do? I have literally tried every possible way of talking it over but he just won't have it. I've tried just ignoring and not letting it get to me in case I might seem a bit needy and I've tried being upfront and to the point, but nothing's working. The problem is I feel like I want to go elsewhere to get my satisfaction. Every women needs to feel wanted and I don't at all. I've never felt so low about myself in my life and it's not because I'm unhappy with me – it's the way he is with me. I was in a 12-year relationship before this and never once had a problem like this. I just don't know how to deal with it other than end it. Or go elsewhere so I can give him a massive 'fuck you' as he clearly doesn't care enough about my feelings to even try to resolve this? I just want people's opinions. Am I being over the top or am I absolutely right to feel this way? And how do I deal with it? And him? Please? I feel a bit pathetic but I can't stop thinking about it and can't even bring myself to go anywhere near him any way as I do feel like he's cheating on me almost.
User article | pornography, masturbation
“Can’t we live happily after marriage?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I was so happy before marriage. I was a free bird. I could just go out of my house any time, just a start away from my scooter. I ate what I wanted, doesn't matter what is the time, 4 in the afternoon or 9 at night. I was earning my own money and did not rely on anyone. Now after marriage, I had to come here in the USA - the land of opportunities but I have no work permit, no money. Every time I have to rely on my husband, whether I want to shop something or eat something. I have a dream to travel the world. My in-laws and even my husband think that I am just wasting his money seeing the opportunity or his money. He is not aware that I used to shop and eat and spend money a lot than I do here with him. I was an independent girl. I have done everything I ever wanted with my own money. Also, he thinks now that I am in the USA I developed a hobby of traveling but he doesn't know It was my dream. After all this still, I am trying to save his money by going less out for dinner, don't remember the last time I went to the mall for shopping, and don't remember the last time I spent on online shopping. He has money to send to his family but whenever we discuss, he always says we are out of money. I am pissed of my his behavior. As a wife, I would want his special attention but that I am being treated just like any other person in his life. I don't know now whether I have higher expectations or he is wrong.
User article | dating, someone else
“Emotional affair with my ex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years, together for over 14 and we have 2 young kids. I love my husband very much and we have a good, comfortable relationship but it has always lacked real intimacy and passion. Sex is just okay, and he seems fine with that. Over the years I have suggested doing things to spice it up and he’s always in agreement but has never really made an effort. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how to improve our sex life. Maybe that’s why I contacted my ex who happens to be the only person who’s ever satisfied me sexually. This is someone I haven’t seen in over 15 years and have only exchanged the odd message in all that time. I thought I’d just say hello, enquire after his kids and that would be that, like it has been every other time in the last 15 years. Instead, we got to reminiscing about the past, clearing up misunderstandings and just enjoying talking to each other after so long. It progressed from messages to Skyping and now I want to talk with him every day. Just to give a bit of background on our relationship; we met while he was married. His wife wasn’t interested in sex and he thought having an extramarital affair would save his sanity and eventually his marriage. I was a ‘good girl’ so I don’t quite know how I got messed up with him. All I know is that we had an unbelievable chemistry that I hadn’t experienced before or since. Now he’s divorced and single and I’m the one who’s married but it seems we still have amazing sexual chemistry. Fortunately, geography is not on our side so it’s unlikely that we would ever be together again but from our conversations I have come to understand myself better and more importantly, what I get from him that I don’t get from my husband. So now I’ve come to the crux of the matter, how do I get my husband to understand that sex is important to me and his lack of interest in improving our sex life is putting a wedge between us? How do I get him to care? Maybe someone could point me in the direction of reading materials and other resources that could help.
Ask the community | emotional affair, sexless
“Extreme confusion over breakup”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi all, My girlfriend and I split up last week and I’m finding it all extremely confusing, with lots of different emotions and thoughts in my head. Hoping someone can shed some light. We got together just over year ago and I think I knew she had issues with relationships and intimacy when she’d explained things about her past relationships: she had seen those relationships as temporary and never considered they might last, she craved a lot of alone time etc. With me, she was totally different. At first and seemingly for a while, she couldn’t get enough of me - it may have just been the honeymoon phase but she assured me she’d never felt this way about anyone before, and it was totally different. I admittedly do suffer depression and low self esteem sometimes so I did have a hard time believing this; I had a voice at the back of my head with niggling doubts as I was afraid of getting hurt, but we carried on and had an amazing time together with lots of laughs, intimacy and fun. She met my family, I met hers, it was great. Then the old ways started to creep back in at the 6 month mark, as she said we were spending too much time together (a few nights a week) and she was losing sight of herself, she thought it was unhealthy to talk as much as we did. Just FYI I wasn’t talking to her 24/7 and still maintained good friendships throughout all of this. She said she wished we’d slowed it down from the start even though she was the one who first said ‘I love you’ (2 months in!) and kept saying she didn’t want anyone else, but also didn’t like the ‘girlfriend’ label until I put my foot down and said if we are exclusive then she must be my girlfriend. Anyway, after she said all this about losing herself I felt very hurt and backed off, only to have her resume the relationship as before; I’d tell her she was free to go home if she didn’t want to stay the night and she’d tell me she missed me. I felt like I was getting mixed messages which annoyed, hurt and confused me. She explained a lot of it was guilt - maybe she sensed her desire for excessive space hurt me. She then discovered her parents were going to get a divorce which I think triggered her own depression (which she has had for a long time and is on medication for). I noticed a change in her from then on, our sex life suffered and I grew increasingly insecure. She’d lost her spark and I didn’t know if it was me, her parents, her desire for space or a combination of things. Either way I felt unwanted. Long story short, we tried and tried and put a lot of effort in but the last few months all I can say is she shut me out. She couldn’t handle us having arguments and would completely shut down, unable to talk and kept referencing how when her parents spoke to her the same thing happened. The more I pushed the more she pulled away, til I finally gave her space (all the while I was riddled with anxiety) but said I’d be there for her and loved her loads, but I realised she’d just mentally checked out. We actually ended it over the phone in the end as I said enough is enough, this isn’t a relationship and she said she agreed and can’t give me what I want. Now she says she’s convinced we are just in different stages of our life: I know I want a committed relationship with future plans, she just doesn’t know what she wants but kept saying she did want me. Every time I talk to her she feels attacked and like I criticise her; if I say what behaviour of hers I struggle with, she says that she can’t handle hearing how much of a rubbish person she is. I obviously haven’t said that but that is how she hears it. Anyway, she now says she wants to go and work on herself but to stay in touch as she cares about me and doesn’t want to close off the chance of us making it work once she’s in a better mental place. But for me, being the cynic/realist I am, I just think it’s unrealistic to expect everything to perfectly align and I can’t hold on to the hope we will get back together because the breakup has already hurt me so much - if we reconciled only for it to fail again I’d have to heal again and I don’t feel able to put myself through unnecessary pain. Now I flit obsessively between I want us to work, she’s the one, I deserve better, it wasn’t healthy. I’m going mad over it. We met to exchange stuff the other day and spent four hours together. It was like girl I fell in love with was back for a bit - she kissed and cuddled and wouldn’t let go and I let her because I love her, but I came away more confused than I was going in. She said she’d go get some professional help and I said to look me up if she works out what she wants. She said we couldn’t speak for one week then we’d take it from there. I spoke to my friends who said it sounded more like a break than a breakup, but when I clarified this with her she said it was a breakup - I then couldn’t clock why she was kissing me and everything and she said it was to say goodbye. But she’s also said she’ll be there for me if I really need her which I don’t think is going to work because how can we heal? I guess I won’t know anything until some time has passed but I spoke to her yesterday and said I don’t want to not talk for a week and potentially go back to square one of all the breakup pain if we talk again at that point. I said it’s easier in my mind if I treat this as permanent and told her not to talk to me. She asked if we would remain friends on Facebook, I said I don’t know. I just don’t know what her motives are. She sounds extremely confused so maybe there’s no point trying to suss out what she wants when she doesn’t know herself. Sorry it’s such a long post - only as I read it now can I see how crazy the whole thing has been. Any tips for navigating this? Should I expect to never hear from her again? Is it beyond hope? Would people ever reconcile after years apart? (She thinks this is how long she’ll need to get past her issues)
Ask the community | breakups
“He doesn’t want me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My fiancé doesn’t want me. His excuses, he’s tired and not a very sexual person...yet after last relationship in 3 mths slept with at least 6 women (before me, none of my business and didn’t want to know but daughter showed me texts and all daddy’s gfs on an old phone. But he had lied to me and said he didn’t get intimate with just random women) forgave him but our sexual life stayed the same. Struggles with self esteem and feeling rejected I held on hoping for better but never got better. He blows his lid over nothing end it with me and jumps right into sleeping with two women while we are apart. Comes back says he’s sorry, please forgive him, I did because I love him. Think things will get better sexually. Nope. Rarely touches me. Same excuses despite me knowing as soon as we broke up and the short time we were apart he was sexual with two other women. I tell him it’s me, he denies it and gets mad when I point out if he didn’t want sex why as soon as we broke up he was having sex with one female and then another? Help? Am I crazy?would anyone believe he wants her when he doesn’t touch her but goes and has sex when he is not with her? Basically that’s what he is saying to me. That he wants me but it’s all these reasons. Those reasons didn’t stop him with two random females when we were apart. And the insult to injury, he treats me like I’m so stupid that I will believe he wants me when he never shows it. I don’t know why he’s with me. Help me please! Am I wrong to not understand his logic or reasoning because it seems like bs to me.
Ask the community | intimacy, sex
“I’m having trouble having sex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My partner and I have been together for nearly three years. An issue we have had for quite some time is that for them sex is intimacy, and for me an actual connection and intimacy is needed before i can have sex. Lately they said they have tried to initiate sex, and honestly my body just wont have it. I feel gross, and sometimes the thought of sex just makes my skin crawl because it doesn't appeal to me. I enjoy the intimacy that can sometimes comes with sex, and i wish i could experience sex as enjoyably as would be deemed 'normal', but it's not something I can seem to do.... it's been a really difficult part of our relationship because I do my best to support them, and be there for them in any way i can, but they don't think I love or care about them because I can't put out on command. and because of that they grow distant and think I want nothing to do with them, making me feel unwanted and more unable to feel a connection with them, and thus wanting to have sex even less. And when i explain that it's that I don't feel a connection and or feel actual pain when they try to initiate, they just get pissed off and say they don't know what to do. we're both at a loss. They only feel that connection and intimacy through sex And because i don't feel the intimacy or wanted I can't bring myself to have sex... Any advice?
Ask the community | intimacy, sex
“Long distance relationship tips”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Don’t sweat it. Most people think their long distance relationship will fail because they fear their partner will replace them with someone else. In an attempt to protect themselves from this fear, their brain highlights their partner’s most negative traits. This is a common defense mechanism which prepares for the emotional pain of a break-up. However, couples who establish that they have a trusting, committed relationship, and work on their own individual mental health report greater intimacy in their long distance relationships. Lower levels of psychological distress in each individual also has positive effects on commitment, communication, and satisfaction in the long-distance relationship. Healthy daily activities such as running, yoga and meditation can all contribute to a greater relationship with one’s self, which in turn results in more positivity and optimism in the relationship. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. The scarcity effect is a technique successful marketers use to increase the value perception of their products. If a product is less available, people view it as more desirable as a certain status applies to the exclusive few who have it. The latest iPhone must be amazing if there is a long queue of people waiting at the store opening to acquire one of the scarce few, right? In long-distance relationships, the demand almost always exceeds the supply. You love each other deeply but cannot see each other as much as you would like. Due to this, couples perceive each other – and their time together – as more valuable. Planning frequent visits ahead of schedule provides anticipation and excitement. It also shows a willingness to invest in the relationship, which promotes security within it. Those who continue to arrange special and thoughtful dates once committed to each other have reported much more relationship satisfaction than those who see each other when it’s convenient. Communication is key. Although physically seeing each other may be a scarcity, speaking with each other should not be. Communication really is key as it results in less loneliness, greater feelings of intimacy, and lower levels of jealousy. Try to make it a mixture of planned and spontaneous communication to keep the relationship both comforting and filled with excitement.
User article | long distance, communication
“We argue constantly”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under a year. At first it was amazing, he treasured me so much and made me feel like I was his complete world. He has made a few mistakes along the way but always fought to rectify them and made sure that I knew how sorry he was (none of the mistakes were massive). Lately, everything just seems to have changed and we just seem to be arguing constantly, no matter how hard we try not to. He struggles with communication and doesn’t talk about his problems due to his childhood where he had to learn to deal with things on his own and couldn’t rely on others to be there for him. Due to this, I rarely know what’s going on inside his head and I think that sometimes, he doesn’t even know what’s going on inside his head. It can often take a good hour or two of me talking to him before he starts to open up, until then he appears to just shut down. Lately when we argue, he says that he is fed up and doesn’t think we will work and that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But when we are fine again, he says that he doesn’t ever mean that, that he doesn’t want to lose me and that he’s only saying these things because he’s feeling low at the time (he struggles with low mood but hasn’t been diagnosed with depression). The way that he talks to me during arguments and generally how he treats me has changed. We’ve sat down and discussed the things that need changing (communication being the key thing, especially in arguments). We’ve been working on these things and although we do sometimes go into old habits again, generally our communication and how we handle arguments is a lot better (taking time away before the argument escalates, being constructive instead of just digging at each other). There are also things that he needs to change, such as lying which has been an issue. He now seems to be being far more truthful to me, even if he knows that I won’t like what I hear. Having said all of that, when we argue he always just says that nothing has changed and that nothing will ever change (when we aren’t arguing he acknowledges that things are slowly changing and that these things don’t just happen over night). The thing that I struggle with is that I don’t know which is the truth... is he telling the truth when in an argument or just saying it to get at me? Does he say the truth when things are good or just say what he thinks I want to hear? I’m worried about our future and whether things will ever get easier. Currently I am the one fighting for our relationship because he is in a low place anyway and struggles to talk, and then we have the constant arguments on top. He also told me that he has insecurities and he’s convinced that the inevitable is that I am going to leave him for someone else someday, which I think puts him in the mindset that there’s no point in fighting for something that is going to end anyway. Will things ever get easier or are they destined to be doomed?
Ask the community | arguments, depression
“He doesn’t trust me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My boyfriend's last relationship failed due to her cheating on him. My relationships have always failed because I've allowed them to abuse, humiliate, and control me. Our relationship was going pretty well until I moved in. We were both used to living alone and not having to answer to anyone. I had spent 4 years in therapy gaining the strength to love myself and create boundaries with people that made me comfortable. My boyfriend hasn't had much therapy and has extreme trust issues. We had been fighting and he told me to leave. He had been trying to tell me who I could be friends with, I wasn't allowed to talk to family or friends to vent about my struggles, I had to make sure it was okay for me to go places, he wanted me to go to bed when he did, I couldn't go in another room to have time to myself, etc. I felt controlled again. I'm 47 years old and didn't feel I needed permission. I did move out. We were texting and he was very angry. Was calling me names and threatened to hurt himself. I was concerned for him and sent his sisters our conversation. Since then we have been trying to work on this and he doesn't trust me at all because I sent our texts to his sisters. I apologized and offered to do more to show he could trust me. I had to leave his house early last weekend because my best friend was in a serious car crash and I was her emergency contact. He didn't believe me and said I needed to take a picture to prove I was at the hospital. I did and my friend was extremely upset. I was devastated that I did something against her will but he said I needed to do what he asked so he could trust me. I have double pneumonia and have been in bed. He said he didn't know if i was telling the truth, but he wouldn't ask for proof. I honestly have done absolutely nothing for him not to trust me except sending our texts to his sisters. Ever. He said I haven't done anything to earn his trust and that I need to. Am I wrong in not feeling like this is right? I really need advice.
Ask the community | trust, emotional abuse, control
“He wants to take the kids”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I found out that my five years husband was cheating on me and leaving with another woman for three months and I kicked him out. He was making feel I was paranoid and obsessed but i saw his text message as he had his phone sharing things with the laptop so I saw everything... After that I accepted it and was living my life again, after five years I was very depressed and I was not happy at all. We were being cordial for the kids , he came to my house to see them and the last time he came crying he is regretting his decision, that she was controlling him...bla, bla, bla...the worst part I believe him and we kissed. He told me he has to make a big decision. The next day he was texting me about the birthday party of his girlfriend ‘s daughter if I allowed the kids to go. Still one month for the party and i said we will speak in person...so he started getting angry that I don’t allow the kids with him that he wants to marry her...so I said after what we did yesterday and you tell me and she listened it...so she went mental and they had a big argument and now he is blaming me for all that...why i said that...and treated me that he is going to make my life a hell and he will take the kids....I am very tired of always be the one to blame for his lies and for everything... any suggestions what to do??
Ask the community | cheating, someone else
“Struggling to get over being cheated on”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been with my boyfriend just over 2 years, its been the best and happiest relationship i have ever had and we moved in together early May this year. It was the best our relationship had ever been ( or so i thought) and he was talking about marriage, having a family etc. This all came crashing down when i received a message whilst we were on a couples holiday from a girl telling me that she had slept with my boyfriend a week prior. Ever since this has happened i think i have felt every emotion in the book and it is so exhausting. I have tried having a ‘break’ from the relationship but just couldn’t do it. I feel so weak for not being able to leave and i don’t think i have fully come to terms with the fact that this person probably isn’t who i thought he was. It hasn’t been helped due to him lying about it for weeks until i confronted him with evidence when he finally admitted it, and i don’t know whether the lies or the cheating hurt more? The woman he cheated with is gorgeous, a stripper and older than me and since this i feel completely inadequate. I can’t stop thinking what is it about me that led him to do that? why did he lie so much? how could he jeopardise a relationship like ours? I feel so low in myself and its affecting my daily life. I can’t sleep properly and constantly have flashbacks and we are now 3 months on. I feel like i should be over this by now but i just can’t move on. I love him so much and feel like i don’t know my own identity without him and i just don’t know what to do. Any advice whatsoever would be so appreciated x
Ask the community | cheating, someone else
“Relationship issues and trust”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I particularly am writing about one of my friend who is desperately looking for help or some therapy to help her through the rough journey. Therapist visits are expensive and a lower middle class family cannot afford it. If you can somehow help her with information or an in depth article on relationship issues and how to deal with it, I'm sure it would help her and millions of maybe other women who can relate to their own story. One day she caught her husband of 26 years cheating on her. He had been seeing the other woman for past 2 years and exchanging sexual messages and spending time together alone with the other woman. He was having sexual relationship with the other woman and also constantly sexting with her for past 2 years. My friends whole world crashed. She could not accept it. Her husband was her ideal, someone she cherished and looked upon always. He was her strength. She could not bear the pain and hurt and would cry for hours locking herself in the toilet. She wanted to leave her husband but could not do so thinking of her kids. Now every time she looks at his face she cannot find the man she once loved. It was as if he was a stranger. 26 years of her life with him felt a waste. She felt let down. The day she caught him cheating was a tragic day. She was running a very high fever, so he lovingly took her to the doctor, gave her medicine and put her to bed and then went to meet the other woman saying he was going for a prayer meet. All along he was planning and plotting while being so nice to her on the face. She could not bear this hypocrisy. Everyday she goes through anguish and pain. She tells me how could he do this to her and then come back home and sleep and share their bed as if nothing happened? She says her whole faith and trust is broken and now she does not know how she can believe in him? She cannot afford a therapist. Please help her with your article or suggestions on how she can move forward. Your feedback would help her greatly. Also, I would like to mention one more thing which I missed mentioning. She had confronted her husband on this and he said that it was nothing and a mistake and would not repeat it. He said she asked him if he wanted sex and so he had said yes and it was only a sexual relation. My friend feels because he got caught and forgot their love and togetherness when he cheated on her. She feels he keeps contact with her and in his mobile her number is still kept saved. N----- talks of death and wanting to die and although she is still with him, she cannot come to terms with her pain and is unable to trust him anymore. This worries me as she was a very jovial and loving person and now she is withdrawn and in her own shell, not wanting to meet people. Please do help. Very worried for her. She is not in a position to hire a therapist. I do hope you would be able to somehow help.
Ask the community | cheating, trust, emotional affair
“Texting behind my back”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My wife is texting a co-worker who just got divorced after 24 years of marriage. They have been texting behind my back, talking long hours on the phone. He gave her a new phone after her phone broke, I kept my mouth shut after I found out that they are getting to close to each other, but one day after I refused having sex with her, that I feel insecure and she better explains to me what is going on. She said that she will stop talking to him and texting him , but it was not my point , my point was whether i should trust you or not anymore. I know it sounds stupid but I'm the kind of persons who never trust after they have been fooled once ! I asked her what have you been guys talking about , and her answer was " we talk about stupid stuff " , I said " if me and you talk about stupid stuff for more than 20 minutes , you will be bored and want to do something fun instead ". I decided to leave her which i did for a couple months now , and never come back until she or he shows me what was the content of the text messages , otherwise there is no way that i go back with her ! Trust is not a game , she arranged a phone conference with me and the guy , he said that he does not keep his text messages and only the president of the United states can restore them and there was nothing going on between him and my wife anyway !!! now we are on a divorce process and she seems not worried at all , she just put the blame on me !!
Ask the community | cheating, trust, emotional affair
“Non-compliant ex-partner”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My ex partner of 13 years is refusing to do any type of parenting with me. He won't communicate with me, blocked me on social media email and phone !! He has my 2 boys that are 11 and 5 and I was happy to let them go live with him as that is what they wanted to do. I just wanted them to be happy. We were going to co-parent but he stops me seeing them, always changes arrangements, changes arrangements if anything planned, all because he does not like my friend. He doesn't like my friend as she can see he's controlling towards me and she does not back down to him, she stands her ground !! He does not like a woman to have an opinion. I have just started court process well went to mimms meeting to try sort it out. I will co-parent and split weeks with him so both get equal time with the kids but somehow I do not think he's going to comply with anything. He tells the kids I don't bother to see them, contact them or anything when that is far from the truth. I have given my boy my old phone topped up so we have contact that way * he accuses me of all kinds of spiteful stuff saying I'm mental, I'm a druggy, and I live in a dump which all are lies. None of the things he says applies to me at all.
User article | co-parenting, contact
“My girlfriend's affair partner”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have recently found myself in an incredible relationship with a lady that i adore. Knowing we all have a past, i am finding hers a hard one to overlook the reason why she wants to maintain a friendship with her ex that she now has been hisside piece in his affair for a few yrs. Its more convoluted than that so i am trying to be open minded here. She dated him and lived with him, broke it off but saw each other in a non commited way. Said that they would end it with each other if the other got into a relationship, but she found out he was dating someone while they were non commited sleeping with each other. Although mad about it, and his new gf found out he stayed with the new girl. My gf then continued sleeping with him on the side in secrecy for yrs now. She maintains its his affair not hers. He has helped her move, been there when she needed someone. A bond. But now being with me she wants to maintain a relationship with him. But not with me included as "he" would have issues with it. I said i would be reluctantly open to it if she met up with him with me present and she said that it would make him uncomfortable and im being jealous and insecure. My thoughts are she is not over him and she needs to break the tie to him in order to move all into our relationship. I maintain she can have guy friends like i have girl friends but this relationship im not happy with. They have spent 7 yrs from start to now, dating and non commital sex and affair sex. It sounds so obvious writing this down but am i overthinking this?
Ask the community | cheating
“Insecure in love”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Can anyone help ease my mind? I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (who we will call D) for two years. Here is some of our history. In 2009 we met on Match.com, and dated for about a year. I was really crappy to him, lying, cheating, breaking up with him, getting back together with him, and continuing that cycle. We ended it in 2010 - because of me. I started dating someone else, (who we will call J). In 2014 I left my ex (J) because he was abusive, and my current boyfriend (D) was there for me for six months until I got the guts to leave my ex. The sixth month in, D started to let his guard down and let me in again....all for me to go back to J. Needless to say, D was crushed. 2016 approaches, J punches in me in the face. I decided enough is enough, called the cops and moved out that night. Four months after I left J, it was what I swear fate, that I ran into D again. Twice in two days. We started dating right away, not giving myself enough time to fully heal from the seven years of torment I had been through but I didn't want to lose D again. My issue is D has this friend, who we'll call M, who is married. They've been friends for 15 years, met in college because she dated his roommate at the time. Every week D and M will text each other, specifically on "Hump Day", which in itself bothers me. It's just to say hi and see how each other is doing. Some times I feel there are inappropriate memes sent, but D says they're harmless. I have voiced to D my insecurity and worries with this. Yes, she's been married 10 years and yes, over 10 years D has given me more and more chances than anyone should. He's never even given his "baby mama" as many chances as me. I just do not feel comfortable with this. Something in my gut says it's not right. He will change her oil (because he's a mechanic) and then they go out for tacos, not that often, but still. I have voiced this to D a few times, at first he was patient with me. Then, he started getting frustrated. I told him I don't get how a guy and a girl can be friends, and there not be something there. Especially when you've been friends 15 years, there has to be something there. He said there's never been anything between them and that she's like a sister to him and I should really just think of her as having a dick, but I can't because she doesn't. A couple weeks ago, I went through his phone and looked at his texts. He told me I could, but he does not like when I do it behind his back...which is what I did. So he changed his password and took off my fingerprint ID to get into his phone - which frustrates me. Last night I brought it up again how I am not comfortable with them texting. That there has to be something there. I don't care if she's married or not. I've been cheated on, I've cheated on people, I've even almost cheated with a married man, my mom and dad have cheated on one another, my son's father walked away from me when I was four months pregnant. He was, needless to say, frustrated and tried to keep is cool. He said nothing is there, that if they want to have dated, they could have but never did. I asked if there was an attraction there, he said she's not ugly but I'm not attracted to her in that way. I said is she attracted to you? He said if she was, she's never voiced it. I don't know...to me, if you're happy within your marriage or relationship, you don't have to reach out to someone of the opposite sex...even if it's just a hey, how you doing? Am I being ridiculous?!?!? Please tell me honestly.
Ask the community | insecurity, jealousy
“His lack of interest in sex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi everyone, So I have been with my partner for four years and, during the start of the relationship, he was somewhat obsessed with porn. He would masturbate anywhere from 1-3 times a day and would lie to my face saying he had cut down on porn or stopped it all together. I thought this had stopped by the time we moved in together however he would just wake up early in the morning to masturbate. We spoke about this and he has stopped this habit for the past year (or so he has told me). During the first three years of our relationship we have had a very active sex life, however i noticed that around this time last year it started to fade overtime. It has got to the point that sex is hardly ever initiated by him and it will be me that puts in the effort. Over the past couple of weeks/months, I have been trying to figure out how to liven things up with toys/pics/texts and just being overall spontaneous. I'll be waiting in lingerie for when he comes home, or invite him in the shower with me and sleeping naked but he doesn't even give me a second look. It genuinely breaks my heart and feels as though he perceives sex as a chore he has to complete (which of course i do not encourage), whenever i talk to him about this he will say things along the lines of 'fine, i'll do it tomorrow' or the classic 'i'm just tired' (no matter what time/day it is he will always say this). Even during the act, he just seems out of it and the only times he really wants it is if i suggest that we watch porn together or he fantasises about cuckolding. I just really don't know what to do, I feel pathetic and desperate sometimes. All i have running through my head is 'am i ugly?', 'does he not find me attractive anymore?', 'am i wearing too much make up or not enough?', 'maybe if i did this or that he would like it more?' I really don't know what to do at this point, I've been crying over this the past two nights as he barely touches me and the feeling of being rejected/not wanted cuts me deeply due to being abandoned as a child which i do acknowledge and try my best to overcome those feelings. Any help or advice would be so deeply appreciated.
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“Intimate three times in five years”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Well, after five years of definitely a less than sexless marriage, three times in all.. Finally had THE CHAT! He says he loves me and attractive but each night thinks I'll wait till tomorrow.. Yes tomorrow never comes.. No pun intended.. He's a closed book usually but told him how unloved unattractive I felt. I've been patient but not desperate for sex that I would cheat but one passionate kiss at least not much to ask.. So every night we'll be in bed and I may as well be sleeping next to a stone.. He wouldn't notice if I had old pj's on or nice lingerie or even naked he's only 40.. Now he does have health issues and is now depressed.. But last week I asked him if he relieved himself he said yes last week and I know it would be to porn.. So no I am not upset that he can't be intimate I'm angry.. If you've no sex drive yet can't respond to your partner naked next to you but can do that then you are either a liar or keeping something from me. Then he admitted he also feels untrusted.. Well, over five years ago I found a secret twitter account where he'd been tweeting a female workmate way too flirty he had worked with her every night for 8 years I'd never heard of her.. Reading the tweets I was stunned I'm all for having friends but then to see thanks for visiting?? He had visited her at home once then it was twice but both times with friends when she had broken her leg.. If he had told me I would have said get her some flowers but it was the week I was in hospital with pneumonia and he couldn't visit me.. He wouldn't add me on Facebook but liked all her sorry.. slutty pics and a man's work leaving do turned out to be hers as I found out later and he'd been liking her outfit pic in the bathroom just before he went and rolled in at 6am..he finally understood he'd been disrespectful and after another 18 months I finally said enough take her off twitter and Facebook..I would have done it instantly if I had been behaving like that. He did she moved job and got a boyfriend it's the sneakiness he said he had never had a woman as a friend and it was work banter.. I let it go and accepted he'd not carry it on.. But the visiting at home was still niggling so I sent her a polite txt... She said he'd never mentioned a partner once and was very secretive but he visited twice both times alone.. Even when I told him what she said he still lied to my face.. Just the last few months I've got over the lies and deceit and after our chat I asked how he got there.. Nice.. two buses there and back. He then had another female at work start the same but he said he'd nipped it in the bud.. Partly I felt I had caused his depression by taking his 'friend' away.. So you can see where the mistrust comes in sometimes I've pretended to be asleep when he gets home not to feel like a stranger in my own bed but all he says partly I believe but funny all the intimacy stopped exactly the time she popped up. On twitter etc he's great in all other ways but now I'm getting to the point where I think uuck.. Do I really want to sleep with him never mind me intimate and days I want to say leave the car keys and door keys.. I just wish I knew if he was being truthful and things could improve or do I say adios thanks for the memories.. Nightmares.. Its his only day off today and jokingly I said you know tonight's the night he laughed and said yes takeaway and a movie.. Ffs is he just dim.. Depressed or a snide two faced liar. I'm at the end of my tether and 20 years together can't drag on if it's one sided I don't need him I want him but I want him to want me or at least take drama lessons..i still think he's carrying a torch for her and his porn watching has got him to a point where he can't do the deed with a real person. Sorry long rant but not told anyone before.. So any advice? Lying using snake or a depressed man? I have tried to help do I cut my losses while I love him or let him stay as a roommate which is all he feels like and be taken over by bitterness? The trust issue is his burden trust has to be re earned when broken or am I just putting 2 and 2 together and making 5 and overreacting?
User article | sex, communication, sexless
“Should I wait?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I am a female 50 yrs old. 25 yrs ago I had a gf. She was 18 & I was 24. I was good to her treated her like she was special. Made her feel special. Then for reasons that I don't know I started treating her mean. Well, she snuck away in the middle of the night. I tried to find her many times throughout the years. Finally , recently, I got in touch with her.she lives 3, 000 mikes away and 9 months ago she got married. She has been with her husband 5 yrs. The 1st 4 yrs. He beat her. He stopped beating her 14 months ago but he has been in jail for 9 of those months. She says She loves him. I didn't realize until we spoke how much I missed her & that I still have love for her. She says that she feels the same but she is married now. I respect that. She wants to give him another chance when he gets out & if he hits her she says that she will leave him. She sent me some nude pics. But then she felt bad & we set boundaries. With her in the lead we passed the boundaries again & went further. Sexting and ph. sex. When he gets out this month she says I cannot contact her anymore because he will beat her. I have no plans on jeopardizing what she has. She says She will contact me. She tokd me not to wait. To go out & date & if he hits her & she leaves him & I am single we can be together. I have no interest in dating anyone else. I want to wait for her. But actually don't want to give my hopes up. Should I wait for her?
Ask the community | dating, trust
“Getting over betrayal?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I'm really struggling to speak to my wife to discuss our children after an affair (on her part). Cutting a very long story short, my wife & I (in my mind) was happy, she was my soul mate and best friend. I told her everything and anything, we spent most of our time together (at work and home) we have 2 amazing children who I love dearly. I have always played a main role in both their up bringing due to me working from home since they were born. Four months ago my wife said out of the blue she wasn't happy and she had feelings for somebody else (one of our friends) she is now living with him and my 2 kids, i'm in the family home which is full of memories and ghosts. I still have regular contact with the kids but no where as much as I would like due to having to start a new job (we closed down our business due to no longer been able to work together) she got really nasty and said a lot of lies which involved me been arrested so she could clear out our home. (i hand on heart did nothing wrong. i have no reason to lie on here as nobody knows me) I don't understand how her personality can change so much - i can only think he is manipulating her (don't get me wrong i would like to 'hurt' him shall we say for what he has done, however i know i will be punished for it - so theres really no point. I just don't understand what I did? Everything was fab before - she was in tears telling me at first, so apologetic but then just turned nasty saying it was my fault she's not been happy for months etc. I did NOT once get asked for a sit down to discuss things, where i/we may have been going wrong etc. It literally went form picture perfect to its over! over night. It's really messing with my head and in all honesty i have silly thoughts all the time, my whole world has ended i just want out! but my 2 amazing kids, i cant leave them - they need me... now more than ever, they are use to seeing me 24/7 i did bath, tea bed - the lot every day. My eldest screams when i drop him off, begging me not to take him there "i dont love mummy" "i want to live with you" it kills me!!! (i'm 99% certain that she won't hurt him, no idea about the new guy though) She's now been nice again (personally i think she's having a mental break down) but she says i can come up and do bath time bed time etc, come for tea - come for xmas (wtf) (all with the new guy there) i'm sorry i just can't deal with it - like i say it was just 4 months ago, it feels so fresh like it was only a week or 2, these 4 moths have flown its scary. Please help me people! How do I get over it? I don't want her back, she's a raving evil nutter - i just want to learn how to get over the betrayal??? I hope i have made sense. Can i forgive her? How do I do it? - more my own sake as well as the kids Thanks in advance One very unhappy lonely dad 🙁 #menhavefeelingstoo
Ask the community | counselling, therapy, parenting apart, breakups
“Is it love or lust?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I’ve been married for 2 years, but with my husband for 5 years. We’ve had a tough year with our relationship and I’ve struggled with the lack of commitment given to our relationship by my husband. He has become emotionally and physically unengaged– he promises me nothing has happened to make him be different and says he loves me but he can’t seem to love me like he used to, I’m always giving chances after chance but I seem to get hurt every time with broken promises and lack of effort made to make our relationship work. So I began to look at myself, thinking maybe it is me, maybe I don’t have the love for myself so I began working on my own confidence/happiness so started with getting myself into fitness, getting my old body back and getting back into something I love. So, 6 months ago I joined a fitness group this has been a life saviour for me, and my attitude towards my life, relationship and my work. However, in this fitness group I met this guy who has become someone very dear to me as a friend, we began meeting outside of the fitness group for coffee, running, social events with the fitness group and we now speak every day. He speaks to me with such respect, interest, care about a month ago he went away for a few weeks and thought this would be the perfect opportunity to fizzle the friendship out to a certain aspect as the dynamics of our friendship had begun to change, things he had been saying insinuated he may possibly have feelings and I felt myself sharing such feelings, an attraction to him. This guy was due to go on holiday for 3 weeks, so I felt myself feeling as if I should fizzle out the relationship as I felt terrible I would let myself do this, and I owed my own relationship the respect it deserved after all I chose to marry this man. During the 3 weeks, I resisted all I could to not communicate with this guy, and I couldn’t but it was a lot less than it was previously – and soon the conversations became very bland so to speak, but inside I missed him so very much, but thought this was good it had actually fizzled out and it was more lust rather than anything else. However, now he is back from holiday and I've seen him in our fitness group, it has flooded back all my thoughts, emotions and conversations have sparked back without a second thought, it is like we gravitate to one another without even meaning too – I’m still trying to resist talking to him and backing off. But my relationship, still seems to have no improvements.
Ask the community | crush, someone else
“Is my baby's father interested?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I was seeing him when he was still in a relationship. He has since then split from his partner but has a daughter from that relationship. When I told him I was pregnant he told me I had to have the baby (I was planning on another abortion until I found out I was five months). But couldn’t be involved straight away as the split from his partner had affected his daughter and he needed to put her first. This was in April. He carried on seeing me throughout my pregnancy but never asked anything about it. I told him about scans and how it was going etc. I gave birth to my beautiful boy nearly three weeks ago, which I told him when I gave birth. I asked if he wanted to see baby and the response I got was that I should rest since I had a c-section and he’d get to see him when he does. Since then he’s spoken to me normally and occasionally asks how baby is doing but it doesn’t move past that. I also asked about a middle name and what surname to put down on the birth certificate and he said that it was up to me and I should choose. He didn’t seem too keen to give him his surname. Am I wrong to question if he wants to be involved again? I feel like he’s not very interested. Yet wants to see me for sex etc? I’m really confused about what to do in regards to this.
Ask the community | trust, cheating
“He never wants to be intimate”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hello everyone, I've been needing to get something off my chest for a long time now. It's something very personal and I can't bring myself to talk to anyone in my social circle or family, because I feel very embarrassed, neglected and as if something is wrong with me. I've been seeing my partner for about 10 months now. For context, I haven't had very many sexual partners as I've always been in committed relationships since my teens (and am now 24). My partner (28) on the other hand has had many sexual partners and has never been in a committed relationship before me, and would, I quote, "pump and dump". So a very big player who would just fuck around, pardon my language. At the beginning of the relationship, physically everything was great, we were both very into each other and would be intimate almost every time we saw each other. However, after 4/5 months of being together, the physical intimacy became much more scarce. He would never initiate, or say he was tired. I was the one always initiating and trying to be intimate, and they would just make up an excuse or laugh it off like a joke. I would try everything, wearing sexy lingerie while walking around the apartment, joining them in the shower, walking and lying around naked... And they would just either ignore it or react as if I was making a joke. And now it's gotten to a point where I'm too worried about rejection to even try anymore, and it's such a horrible feeling knowing that if I don't try, they'll never even bother to initiate (which is the sad reality). It's just feels so humiliating, that the person that's meant to love me and be attracted to me doesn't even want to touch me. He talks long term goals, including marriage, potentially having kids and buying property together, so I know he's not cheating on me and is very much attracted to me still. I am considered by societies standards as conventionally attractive, and receive a lot of attention from the opposite sex. But I don't get any from the person I love, and it makes me feel as if I'm disgusting or something is wrong with me. I feel so ashamed and humiliated, and am so worried because we're not even a year into our relationship and we're already having intimacy issues, and we're both a young couple who should theoretically be in their prime physically. There are also issues when we are intimate. I only climax from oral, not from penetrative sex. He said when we first started seeing each other, that he was a "selfless lover" and couldn't selfish if he wanted to be, because he got off on his partner getting off. And he couldn't get me to climax through regular sex, and I did tell them I could only climax through oral, and then he just gave up. He doesn't even try. In the 10 months we've been together, I can count the number of times he's gone down on me on one hand. And he always says how he "loves" how I taste and makes these remarks like "I can't wait for dessert" or something along those lines, but then never actually does it. So it makes me feel so dejected and as if I'm dirty and disgusting. I'm at a point where I don't know what to do anymore, I feel as though I've given up. Even going to bed, he doesn't cuddle and normally comes to bed after I've already fallen asleep.so I just end up crying myself to sleep. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel so alone and dejected.
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“Conditional sex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been with my partner for over 4 years although I have known him since I was a teenager. We both have been married before and have children from previous relationships. When we first got together sex was amazing and all the time, I had never felt so fantastic and I felt that I had finally found someone who understood and matched my sexual desire. I took ill and was stuck at home for over a year, lost my job and my confidence and gained weight. While I was unwell there was a change, I was often the one to initiate sex and he would say it would be selfish for him to want sex when I was ill. I said I could make the decision if I was up to it or not there would be an argument and he would huff for a while but then carry on. We did always however have a good level of closeness always holding hands, hugging and being together. Once I recovered we got back to having great sex again but there was a change, he seems to only want sex if I wear a dress, stockings and heels. This is 'what he likes' and it seems he is just not interested in me otherwise and he rarely initiates sex. These conditions that seem to be almost like rules now make me feel quite sad, I miss just making love on a Saturday morning or having a 'quickie' when the kids are out. He may think I look sexy when I dress like this but I just feel unattractive and under great pressure and I never feel good enough. He is a perfectionist and he will point out if there is the smallest snag in my stockings or I haven't shaved properly. It is as though he has standards that I just don't meet anymore so he would rather do without sex. I love him deeply and fancy him like crazy but I am sexually frustrated and scared we are drifting too far apart to fix it.
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“I've met someone else”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi everyone, I've been with my partner for over 11 years and we have a 4 year old daughter. We've had relationship issues for a long time, lack of physical contact, little/no sex, arguments etc. Just recently i met someone I was doing a favour for. We clicked and exchanged numbers, we've both agreed it's nothing more than friends but i cant help having feelings for her, its made my situation worse with my partner as its now getting to the point where i don't want to go to bed, i don't want to talk to her and although I'm a very physical person the idea of being intimate with her really turns me off. This other woman is a bit older than me but the way she talks to me I feel human again, not just a dad/taxi/handyman etc. I know its wrong to have feeling for someone else especially when they'll never be reciprocated but what do i do? The biggest thing is i can't split up with my current partner as i know she will use our daughter as a weapon, the thought of not seeing my daughter everyday kills me inside but i cant have one without the other. Its a giant mess really. My partner is starting to notice my lack of contact, although i think she's quite happy about my lack of sexual attention towards her. I know I'm an awful person for behaving like this but i just don't know what to do, help please 🙁
Ask the community | someone else, emotional affair, cheating
“Lying about his financial situation”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I'm a 23 year old law student working as a paid legal intern, he's a 27 year old businessman. We've met through an online dating site and have been together for a year now. The problem is, I have no love left for him anymore as I'm starting to resent him for lying to me about his financial situation. At the beginning when we started dating, I assumed he had a steady income and financial stability. We talked briefly about his line of work, since it was relatively obscure, and I didn't probe much into the matter about how his business is doing. Four months into the relationship, I noticed changes in his behavior when it came to going/eating out - he suddenly started complaining about how much we were spending weekly, even though it was much less than what we'd spent in the early stages of our relationship, and started talking about the financial hardships he went through to make the point that I should be grateful/appreciative over being taken out for brunch. I was really shocked at this since he never acted like this in the beginning. After I talked to him about this, he admitted he has no yearly income and is living off his savings until his business settlement is cleared (he has no idea when it'll be cleared). He had initially bragged to me about his ample savings account and now he claims he actually only has 1/10th of that! To make matters worse, he has pending child support payments to an ex who he had a child with (I was also not made aware of his out-of-wedlock kid when I met him, I've only recently found out about it by accident when he left an old birthday card addressed to his daughter on the dinner table). I feel so betrayed and angry, I just felt the need to vent. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
Ask the community | cheating, finance
“Boyfriend watching transgender porn”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Me and my partner have been together and lived together for almost 3 years! 6 months into our relationship I come home from work as he left for work and he accidentally left transgender porn on his computer. I confronted him. He denied it and said it must have been a random video that was next lined up. I believed him and left it. Happened again another 4 times over the next year. He denied every one and had an excuse for each.i then found myself anxious and suspicious. I went through his computer and phone one night and found more than enough evidence of his interests. I screenshotted everything. That morning I confronted him. He denied it for a second then admitted to everything. We broke up then 2 weeks later we got back together. As long as he kept his promise to stay away from this kind of porn. As to me it is not natural.? i told him if I see it again we will break up again. I’ve just found more on his laptop and computer. And I’m so scared he might be gay or one day loose interest. I’m disgusted. I have confronted him again. He admitted to it. Although I mentioned why would he do it again if it meant loosing the relationship but he had no answer for me. Please help me.
Ask the community | pornography, rejection
“How do I leave him?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've been in a relationship with a borderline alcoholic with a narcissistic personality for about 3 and a half years. We live together but spent the last month apart. I went to stay with my mum with my two cats and left him the flat. His drinking has become a huge problem and a year ago I received a serious health diagnosis which I've been trying to come to terms with. The main problem is that he is more interested in going to the pub with his mates than helping me cope with all this. It got to a point where he was coming back late at night completed drunk, waking me up or making me wait up before I could cook dinner for us because he hadn't phoned to let me know he was going to be home late, tripping over the cats and being a general nuisance. My health condition was brought on by extreme stress and he is only adding to that. If I am suddenly ill and have to go to hospital, I can't rely on him to be able to care for me or even be sober enough to call for an ambulance. I'm back temporarily but I asked him to still give me my space. That includes sleeping in separate rooms. So far I've been packing my things down into boxes because I don't want to/can't afford to live in our flat anymore. I want to move back to my home town, which he has known about for a long time because I told him before our break. What I'm finding now is that he's not actually respecting my boundaries and is now actively looking for flats in my home town for both of us to live in. What he's not understood is the fact I don't want to be with him at all and I want to move on my own. I'm trying really hard to not disrupt the peace in our flat at the moment as it just creates a volatile environment for not only me but the cats too. I've considered just taking a day off work when I know he won't be at home and just moving all my stuff out. After that I'd tell him it was over when he can't do anything to stop me. Has anyone got any advice?
Ask the community | breakups, big changes

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