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Relationship lessons from young people
We’ve looked at the results of a recent survey to see what can be learned from young people’s experiences of being in relationships. Looking back on the roller coaster ride of your own early relationships might fill you with a mix of fondness, amusement, and utter cringing horror. That shouldn’t mean you can’t learn from those experience but, if you can only bear to look through the narrow gaps between your fingers, then these insights from other people’s early experiences might help. Why relationship quality matters Love is complicated and it can take many forms – the love you feel for a sibling, is different from the love you feel for a friend, and the love you feel for your parents is different to the love you feel for a freshly baked marinara pizza. Mmmm, freshly baked marinara pizza. Anyway. When it comes to romantic partners, love gets even more complicated. When two people are in love, they depend on each other for support, but they also have to make each other feel special. Your lover may be your closest confidant, your source of safety and belonging, and the heart of your passion [1]. This isn’t an easy balance to get right. Relationship quality plays a huge part of our health, happiness and wellbeing. We all have ups and downs in life, and it’s the people we share them with that help shape the way we celebrate the good times and cope with the bad. As we enter adolescence, our closest relationships tend to be those we have with our romantic partners [2]. This doesn’t mean you should go rushing into a relationship with the next person who pays you the remotest bit of attention! Remember – it’s the quality of your relationships that makes the difference [1]. Learning from early relationships If you’re young and in a relationship, you might feel like you’ve found the one (and maybe you have – if so, congrats!) or you might be testing the water to find out what you want from relationships in the future. Either way, you can always work on the skills that will help you be a better and happier partner in the future. In a recent study, young people were asked what they’d learned from being in relationships. The most significant lessons these young people had learned from their early relationships included: Sensitivity. It’s important to keep an eye on your partner’s needs, without losing sight of your own. Realistic expectations. In the early days, we present our best sides. As we get more comfortable with each other, our quirks and foibles start to spill out. While this can lead to some relationships breaking down, it can also be a time when couples strengthen their bond as they start to see each other more completely. Honesty. Being honest and trusting your partner are essential components of any successful relationship. Compromise. A relationship is an ongoing process. You will both have to keep checking in on each other’s needs and making compromises, no matter how long you’ve been together. Balance. Many young people highlighted the importance of keeping intense emotions under control. Not just the negative ones like jealousy and anger, but also the overflowing excitement of falling in love in the first place. Freedom. While your romantic partner might also be your best friend and the most important person in your life, you both also need the freedom to be apart from each other. Stay connected to other friends and family members and remind yourself that you still have a life outside of your relationship. Communication. If you’re a regular on Click, you’ll know how much value we place on good communication. This is reflected in young people’s early relationship experiences too [3]. Whether you’re looking back at everything you’ve had to learn the hard way, or looking ahead to your next romantic adventure, take heed of these words of wisdom, and learn from the brave pioneers who went before you. References [1] Viejo, C., Ortega-Ruiz, R., & Sánchez, V. (2015). Adolescent love and well-being: the role of dating relationships for psychological adjustment. Journal of Youth Studies, 18(9), 1219–1236. https://doi.org/10.1080/13676261.2015.1039967 [2] La Greca, A. M., & Harrison, H. M. (2005). Adolescent peer relations, friendships, and romantic relationships: do they predict social anxiety and depression? Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology: The Official Journal for the Society of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, American Psychological Association, Division 53, 34(1), 49–61. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15374424jccp3401_5 [3] Norona, J. C., Roberson, P. N. E., & Welsh, D. P. (2017). ‘I Learned Things That Make Me Happy, Things That Bring Me Down’: Lessons From Romantic Relationships in Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood. Journal of Adolescent Research, 32(2), 155–182. https://doi.org/10.1177/0743558415605166
Article | dating, new partner
4 min read
“I cheated on my husband”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Last week my husband was in Korea to rap at a concert. i know very well he doesn't condone men in our home without him there. My best friend's ex called me and ask if i could discuss how to charm my friend back to him? l told him my hubby was out of town on business so i could not have him in my home. We met at local coffee shop. i sat across from him and he immediately sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulder and rested his hand on my breast. he is much bigger than me. i pulled away and admonished him about going overboard in familiarity. he said he noticed i smiled sexy at him last time he chatted with my hubby. he put his arm back around me and kissed me passionately. My husband was gone three days and i lustfully responded and so did not resist even knowing i should. he snapped a selfie clearly showing his hand caressing my breast. he said that he would not share it because he really liked me. we continued to make out and ended up going all the way at his pad including a couple of nudies after intercourse. i found out he knew my hubby was out of town so took advantage of me and hated my girlfriend anyway for breaking up with him.he had no interest in being with her just an avenue to get me alone. My husband is a great provider and loves my son and me. i feel so ashamed of my momentary loss of control with his best friend. i very scared if he found what he would do to me and his best friend. i think he would get very physical and emotional to both of us. i gone church twice and confessed my sins but still feel guilt. i don't think i will cheat again but not completely sure. should i bury this sin or disclose to husband or best friend? How can i know if i will be weak again? i asked him to delete naughty selfies and he agreed. i think from his perspective he would keep them as hot memories of bedding me and probably share to friends he bagged me when my husband was away.
Ask the community | trust, cheating
“Caught out cheating”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I went on a diving trip last year where I left my partner and her children at home. Whilst on this holiday I put sun lotion on another female's back and when I got home was asked why I was in pictures with this certain girl, I told her I didn’t know why we had just been in the same social group whilst on this holiday. She then asked if anything had happened, I lied and told her nothing had happened even though I had put sun lotion on her back. Few months later I exchanged flirty messages with this girl and one other I was working with at the time. I was caught out after my little girl was playing on my phone. My partner has tried to deal with this understanding that I would never do it again but she can’t trust me, and is no longer happy in the relationship, so she’s asked me to give her some space and move out for a bit, telling me that for me to be serious about the relationship I would do it, I have agreed and respect her enough to do as she has asked. However now I feel alone, I feel since I was caught out we’ve lost our communication in the relationship, so as well as her not trusting me I feel I need to be able to communicate with her better, but how do I get back to where we were happy in our relationship. I wasn’t expecting her to trust me straight away but I want her to be able to trust me again, I love her, and she tells m e she loves me.
Ask the community | trust, jealousy, cheating
“Married with a crush”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been married for over 10 years and together for around 18 years. We also have two children together. I have always been faithful and never strayed and nor has my partner. Over the past couple of years our sex life has gone downhill somewhat to the point it is now it probably once every two to three months and when we do it, its nothing special. I am finding myself spending less and less together and most days go by without even such a kiss or I love you anymore. We don't argue much and do generally get along pretty well together. Almost two years ago I joined a local amateur dramatics group and have done a few performances, I met a girl there and we get on great. I will admit I am attracted to her. The current show we are doing involves a long kissing scene and passionate cuddling etc, we are still in rehearsals at the moment but even during the read-through I could feel my heart racing at the thought of this kiss. We have now practised the scene a few times (yes my partner does know about this) and it is now all I can think about. I haven't felt so excited for a very long time now and long for the next rehearsal so we can kiss again. I sort of sense my fellow actor enjoys it as much a I do but she too is married and we haven't really discussed it and nothing has happened outside of rehearsals. It is tearing me up inside a millions thoughts going through my head, part of me wants to ask her about how the kissing scene makes her feel and let her know how I feel too. Or is it that I am longing to be loved something that has been missing from our relationship for a long time now. Your advice welcome.
Ask the community | someone else, flirting
“I want to get away from my husband”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi Please bear with me whilst i explain, but i really need some advice if possible. I have checked my husbands facebook this morning, i dont know why as i havnt for a long time and promised to stop doing it ( i used to as he has cheated several times in the past) and i have seen a message from someone i think he had an affair with years ago, but never could prove it. The message i think was her follow up to meeting him at work, where she has told him something, i dont know what, but she did say something along the lines of 'i hope your ok, i just thought you should know as its your marriage on the line, and i didnt think it was fair even if she didn't go through with it' i have no idea what that was referring to, but to me it sounds like he has been up to something with someone and its about to come out? its left me really confused, because looking through his facebook and he has been looking at hot tub getaways for us secretly (our anniversary is coming up), he says lovely things on facebook about me and doesn't seem to be having an affair? but i cant ask him what it is all about otherwise he will know iv been on his facebook again. The trouble is it is eating away at me, and i've come to realise today that i don't trust him, not one bit! Im a nervous wreck when he goes out and look for clues he may have been with someone, i hate when he gets drunk as he loses morals,and sometimes he will start being cocky and starts with all the insults, he gets at the kids who are autistic and its really unfair to them, and he is drinking a lot lately, every night in fact but most weekends are spent with him being drunk or hungover. His dad is an alcoholic and my husband is going the same way, i thought he was getting help but he wasn't turning up to the sessions, a letter came through the post saying they were sorry he couldn't attend but he denied it, and said they must have made a mistake. I've had enough and want to leave, right now! But i dont know how to, i have 3 kids, no money, nowhere to go, so i am trapped. I need to go away from him altogether, we have tried to split up several times in the past but he always sweet talks his way back. If i don't do it now then ill go on for the next few weeks/months with it all going round in my head and pretending everything is fine, then ill never do it, at all. i cant keep going through this but i just don't know how to break away, if i ask him to leave he will find ways to keep coming back, obviously the kids are one excuse for him, and i'm too soft with him. I don't want to take the kids away from him, i wouldn't do that, but i just need to be away from him for now, but cant leave him with the kids so i'm stuck. It might seem i'm being a bit hasty but i have had enough of this over the years, that message was the last straw, and the fact i'm still checking up on him says it all really. how do i break free? i really need some advice on where to start if possible. thanks in advance x
Ask the community | trust, jealousy
How can I deal with jealousy?
Jealousy can be a strange and powerful feeling. It’s closely linked to self-esteem [1] and may reflect how confident you feel in your relationship [2]. The more confident you are that your partner is committed to you, the less you’ll worry about them leaving you. If you’re not secure in the relationship, then it may not take much to set off your jealous feelings.  Jealousy itself won’t necessarily do your relationship any harm [2], but acting on jealous feelings can be very destructive [3]. Left unchecked, jealously can lead to behaviour that you might not be proud of – seeking constant reassurance, making accusations, becoming possessive, and even threatening to break up [4]. The following tips can help you boost your self-esteem, increase your confidence, and start to deal with your jealousy. Accept the jealousy The next time you feel jealous, remember that it’s just a feeling and you don’t have to act on it. This might not be easy – if your usual responses have become ingrained over the years, it might take you a few goes to change things. Breathe slowly, and notice the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. You may feel angry or anxious – that’s OK. Just accept that it’s happening and give yourself a chance to reflect before you act. Talk to your partner When difficult feelings come up, it’s usually easier to deal with them straight away [5]. Talk to your partner and try to focus on describing your own feelings, rather than their behaviour. Let go of blame, and explain to your partner that you sometimes get upset or worried about losing them. Be clear that you’re not asking them to change anything, but that you’re trying to deal with some unpleasant feelings. Listen Give your partner a chance to respond. You may find it helpful to ask what would be the best way for you to talk about similar feelings in the future, so you can build up your own way of communicating about your feelings as a couple. Tackle negative thinking Like other forms of worry, jealousy can lead you to focus on the negative, and misinterpret your partner’s behaviour. Remember that your jealous thoughts don’t necessarily reflect reality – you may think your partner is interested in someone else, but that doesn’t make it true. Take some time to reflect on the deeper feelings behind your jealousy. If you are truly afraid of losing your partner, ask yourself why your confidence has been rocked, and what you can do about it. Tackle your assumptions Sometimes when we have low self-esteem, we can read meaning into things that have nothing to do with us. If we’re feeling down, we might see someone yawn and assume it’s because they find us boring when, really, they might just be tired. The same can happen in your relationship. When something happens that makes you feel jealous, ask yourself what else might be going on. Sometimes people dress up to feel more confident amongst their peers, and not to attract a new partner! Develop your communication skills You can improve your confidence in the relationship by working on your communication skills with your partner. Make a habit of praising each other, planning fun experiences together, and being on the lookout for positive behaviour from each other. Over time, this can help boost your self-esteem and strengthen your relationship. Accept uncertainty You can never know for sure that your partner won’t leave you. It’s instinctive to want to protect yourself from the fear of rejection, but uncertainty is a part of life and a part of every relationship. When you accept this, it can give you a new sense of freedom to stop worrying about what your relationship might become, and get back to enjoying what it is. References [1] DeSteno, D., Valdesolo, P., Bartlett, M. Y. (2006). Jealousy and the Threatened Self: Getting to the Heart of the Green-Eyed Monster. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91 (4), pp.626-641. [2] Sheets, L.V., Fredendall, L.L., & Claypool, H. M. (1997). Jealousy Evocation, Partner Reassurance, and Relationship Stability: An Exploration of the Potential Benefits of Jealousy. Evolution and Human Behavior, 18 (6), 387-402. [3] White, G.L., & Mullen, P.E. (1989). Jealousy: Theory, Research, and Clinical Strategies. Guildford, New York. [4] Carson, C. L., & Cupach, W. R. (2000). Fueling the flames of the green eyed monster: The role of ruminative thought in reaction to romantic jealousy. Western Journal of Communication, 64, 308–329.  [5] Theiss, J. A. and Solomon, D. H. (2006). Coupling Longitudinal Data and Multilevel Modeling to Examine the Antecedents and Consequences of Jealousy Experiences in Romantic Relationships: A Test of the Relational Turbulence Model. Human Communication Research, 32: 469–503.
Article | jealousy, trust
4 min read
“Boyfriend travelled to meet his ex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about two years now. We have been friends for over three years as we were in the same college. We were seeing other people before we started dating. He is super insecure and we have had multiple disagreements and arguments over me being in touch with my guy friends. He, however, is super social and has many female friends in his inner friends' circle. He is in touch with all his exes and although I am not super happy about it, I don't mind either. Recently, he travelled to another city for some work(as he says but i am highly suspicious about) and chose to stay at his ex's place. I wasn't happy by the idea and told him upfront that i would be hurt if he stays with her. He still chose to stay at her place and hardly contacted me all the while (just two messages and no calls in three days). I don't even know if his ex is aware of his relationship with me. He says he loves me and he is very loyal and did nothing wrong, but somehow I am not convinced. I feel insulted and de-valued. What am I supposed to do? Am I overthinking?
Ask the community | ex-partner, jealousy
“I've never met his children”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My partner of two years has two children from a previous marriage. I am yet to meet his children but he has said in the past that he would like me to meet them. He has custody of his children every other weekend and has decided this is not enough so wants to have them every Monday after school, returning them to school on Tuesdays. He told me this and asked my opinion on this whilst we were out queuing to buy tickets at the cinema. I told him it would be good all around if they had extras days as a family and Monday seemed to be the best day as it would not interrupt their activities during the week. We proceeded to get our tickets but I could see that his mood changed. I did not say anything but had an inkling it had to do with his children as he often picks fights with me about his children I have never met. He would say I don’t show interest but I ask about and listen to what he tells me about them all the time. After the cinema walking to the car he said that when he asked about him having his children on a Monday (he told me but did not ask opinion,I gave as a normal response) that my tone was flat. I said I disagreed and if he wanted a more indepth conversation there is a time and place with no distractions. He then proceeded to ask if I have a problem with his children and asked what do I think of him having children. This question is asked again after two years???? We tend had a full on argument because I felt attacked for no real reason I don’t have children of my own. We don’t live together but spend a lot of time together, which I hope would be extended to his children spending time with us as a couple but also alone time with their father. It is now a running theme where always pick fights or speaks to me in a tone when the subject involves his children. I can’t seem to be left alone if he feels I have not responded in the way he perceives as the right way to respond when answering questions about his children. I am never negative towards them and I am wondering what life would be like if I did meet them if he acts the way he does. My partner did have a troubled childhood. One aspect is that he does not know his father. I am at a loss. Please advise.
User article | parenting
“Questioning everything about my wife”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My wife recently drifted into an emotional semi-sexual relationship after 15 years of marriage. Out sex life has been nonexistent and even when it happens it wasn't all that fun. We grew complacent (mostly my fault) and she has started spending more time with girlfriends. There is one woman (who is married) that she has grown very close with and a couple weeks ago my wife told me that her friend would send joking/playful texts to her. Nothing earth shattering about that until she revealed that she liked it and that it was turning her in. She has never indicated any fantasy about a woman so that was shocking to me. She asked me how I felt about it and I admitted that it turned me on. She asked me if she could respond to these joking/sexy messaging and I said ok as long as I am in it with her and it can be used to enhance our sex life (which it has immensely). The texting has continued and ramped up in terms of its sexual graphic nature. My wife says that it’s only fantasy and that she could never see herself doing it, but I am concerned she’s not being honest about what she might do if the right situation/circumstances present themselves. The biggest issue (if that wasn’t it) is that the other woman is married and she is not sharing any of the exchanges with her husband which makes me uncomfortable. I tried suggesting that we work together to try and find another woman who is not a close friend (or married) to bring in to our relationship and she hesitated saying that she wasn’t so much attracted to women but this particular woman. Is that a red flag? Struggling to try and figure this out...
User article | communication, cheating, trust
“Do I need to let go?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've been seeing a guy for over 6 years now...we met on a dating site, at the beginning he told me he had a friend who is female, i didnt think anything of it, i didnt see a lot of him because of his job, he works shifts and it clashed with my work on occasions, after seeing him for 3 months he went on holiday with his female friend, he told me it was booked for a while, again i was ok with it. when i asked to meet this friend he always made excuses, he also invited her to family do's and not me but again made excuses that she was a family friend. After one year passed we had our fair share of arguments about this friend, he again went away with her to the same place they went year before, i contacted her on fb to see what her relationship was with him...expecting her to say they were friends, she wanted to know who i was had i met his family! She saw herself as his partner, after another argument he denied they were a couple, he maintained they were friends, oh i found out they slept in the same bed when they go away but nothing happens, and ive asked her that and she has said they dont do anything but sleep, over the years hes continued to go away with her, when we argue he books to go away with her then blames me, she had to sell her house about 4 years ago and she moved in with this guy im seeing...ive been over and she has her own bedroom, i dont go over much very rarely he comes over to me more, ive met his family and recently went away for 5 days to his brothers with him, hes a fab guy when hes with me and we get on so well....but when he goes home it changes and he says it doesn't it me! Last year id had enough i finished it completely and met someone else he was devestated and pleaded with me to go back and he'd change even promised me we'd get engaged...i finished it with the other guy and went back....he went back on his word and all the promises he made, i even found out he'd been on 2 dating sites, he says he loves me and i believe he does, he went through a bad divorce his wife left him for someone else, and he says he finds it hard to trust...i love him but i just cant cope with his lies i dont know what hes up to when i dont see him, and with his work that can be 21 days before i see him Anyone got advice please?
User article | ex-partner, jealousy
“Am I just being jealous?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Me and my girlfriend have been redoing our flower beds (taking out rock/putting in mulch) and a guy from work has picked up the rock we’ve taken out so far. However last night she said that he wanted to come by and get some more rock but we haven’t gotten around to finishing so there wasn’t any. He says that he can get it himself and my girlfriend said she felt obligated to help him. A couple things that concern me are that they get off work at 4am so it’s dark outside. Not sure how well you can dig up rock in the dark. It took me and her around 4 hrs to do the front on a Sunday as well. Also I asked why she felt obligated seeing as how the guy requested the rock and we didn’t have any ready. And it’s not as if he’s in dire need of it. He’s just using it to fill in a ditch supposedly. I’m not sure if I’m jealous or what but I’m not really cool with this. I see it as a project for me and her. I don’t want to look at it when it’s all done and think it took me, her, and some dude. I want it to be something we can be proud of together. Anyways If this is just jealousy I can accept that and be cool. If not what do you think I should do?
Ask the community | trust, jealousy
“Problems with trust”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've been dating this woman for five years and things suddenly changed. I met this woman when I took an out of town job and we hit it off instantly. She was the fire to my soul. She was a single mother with two young boys and even though I don't normally date single mothers, there was finding about her. She made me feel like no one ever has. We were young and in love. After a month I was living with her. Eventually, her crazy side emerged and I found myself packing my stuff and waiting on the sidewalk for my ride after every major argument almost once a month. Of course persistence and love overcame the crazy and our relationship was one to be envied. A few years go by and she decided she wants to have a weight loss procedure done. She's always been beautiful in my eyes and even though I had my objections, I was one hundred percent supportive. I cared for her, cleaned up after her, cooked for her and motivated her. I made sure the kids were fed, clothes, and clean. I was on top of their chores and school work. I did what I had to do. After she recovered, her mom ended up moving in with us. Bad move. Her mom started filling my wife and son's heads with lies like I was cheating on her or I didn't love her. She would tell my wife that the kids were scared of me and that I beat them. Eventually my wife kicked me out. With no place to go, I had no choice but to stay with my parents. Three months go by and my love for her is as strong as ever. Then she tells me that her mom destroyed a wash machine in our apartment complex and they're evicting everyone. My wife reasons with them and they agree to let her stay as long as her mom leaves. Guess who gets to come back home? Yours truly returns with nothing but love and forgiveness in my heart. Or relationship goes back to being normal. Somewhat. A few months go by and I notice my wife is a little more distant than usual. She spends a lot more time on facebook. Now, I'm somewhat of a jealous person due to several previous relationships ending with them having affairs and after the loss of our son, my ex-wifes infidelity hit me hard. So when this woman told me that a few of her relationships ended when she cheated on her boyfriends, of course suspicions arose,even though she assured me that she was no longer that person. Well, one night I was up late as usual and her phone went off. I got curious and checked it. The message was from a guy. It said "lol I love you". My heart dropped. I woke her up and asked her about it. As it turns out, she added an ex-boyfriend without even considering me. She explained that he requested her and she added him without even thinking and deleted him. I let it go. She's even more distant now. One day, I snatch her phone to see what's so important that she has to shut out myself and our kids. She puts up a huge fight, trying to take it. During the struggle, I notice that she had 142 friends (I remember numbers for some reason). So I give it back to her and she does something on it for about a minute, not letting me see what she's doing, then she tries to hand it to me. I decline. Later that night, I look again and she only has 141 friends. I ask her about it the next day and she claims ignorance. Things have only gotten worse. A few weeks ago she told me that she wanted a break. She hasn't been intimate with me in months. I ask her if there's still a chance between us and all I get is maybe someday. Now I'm sleeping in my car because I have no place to go. We still talk and I spend every last dime making sure she has gas, taking her kids out to eat and just trying to make sure they are happy. I just need feedback on my situation. I've never really had anyone to talk to about my problems so I thought I'd give this site a shot. Am I wasting my time? Should I give up? I love this woman and her boys so much I would give my last breath to ensure their happiness but I'm afraid it's going to cost me more than just money.
Ask the community | dating, commitment
“Is she playing games with me?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I met a wonderful girl two months ago , she is 10 years younger than me and I was over the moon as she is very attractive. I saw her on her day off at the beginning of the week but then, when the weekend arrived, she just disappeared, no texts or anything and when I text her then she telling me to stop annoying her as she got other issues in life , a day before her birthday she told me the first time that she loves me and she said that she will come over to mine so we will be together on her birthday , but then that was weekend , she never came , no texts , nothing at all , few days later she told me she got some personal issues and she is worry about lots of things , she even said that she didn't have drink on her birthday , but I seen photo on her facebook dating on her birthday , she was out , looking rough or drunk , taking pics with some guys cuddling up , not said anything but things goes always the same , when she is with me and drunk she declare her love for me but then she again stop texting and ignoring me , what do I do ? I don't want to loose an angel as she is something so special , never fancied anybody in my life like her but again is she just playing the games with me ??
Ask the community | communication, cheating
“I'm falling in love with my brother-in-law”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I read a similar post to this tonight so it felt good to see other women are in the same position as me. I just feel like I need advice. I literally have no one to talk about this because, well, we all know how sick and wrong this is. Before I started to have 'feelings' for my brother-in-law he was just my obnoxious brother-in-law. The one with the crazy annoying girlfriend who wanted to wear a white dress to my wedding. My husband and I began dating two years before they did. We went to the same high school for a year and thats when i was close to my brother in law. It was always fun and giggles, just us three. My husband has always been close and over protective of him. After we left high school he started dating this girl and since i didnt see him as much we drifted apart. A year after our graduation my husband proposed and my brother in law was still dating this girl so i thought hey! Im gunna get to know her and make her feel welcome into the family. That turned pretty ugly so soon. The closer i got to her i noticed her imitating my syle. It didnt bother me at first, i actually felt cool, hey she likes my style! But then her certain comments started tugging at me like oh you only did this because i did it or because i like it. And well that was soo not the case. I ignored it until the day she told she had bought her dress for my wedding. She sent me pictures and oh my god. It looked like a wedding dress. Naturally a bride-zilla would go off and say uhm hello no you dumb bitch its white wtf. But she got defensive said it was beige made a scene with the whole family and my bil hated me for almost 2 years. He wouldnt say hi to me at family events he would ignore me and actually he was just so rude to me all the time. I kinda grew a huge annoyance with them. I couldnt stand to look at them ever because as time kept going they just kept wanting to do everything my husband and i did and they loved to brag more about it on social media. After three years i was finally able to ignore them more easily and he actually had apologized in that time frame so hanging around them was alot easier. She no longer bothered me as much and still til this day doesnt bother me how much she tries to do everything like i do because believe me she does. I didnt hate my brother in law anymore and we got along the normal. Not too much like before but nothing at all compared to hate we kind of both felt. Just until recently we had a family trip.. its 4 brothers young enough for the four of them to hang out, ( my husband is the third of them so yes im talking about the younger brother) and the two older wives have became my bestests friends so this is why i cant tell them of all this agony i feel. Anyway, we went to vegas to celebrate my husband and the girlfriends bday. They land only two days apart. It was a three day trip and everything was fine, we drank we laughed we all seemed to get closer as a family. I didnt realize how happy it had made me to be close to my brother in law again until our last day of the trip. We spontainsly decided to go to universal studios and it was so much fun! Until the very end. My husband and my other brother in laws were at customer service trying to get some annual passes something like that and the rest of the girls were tired. I wanted to go to the harry potter shop and look around so i left by myself while they waited. When i was on my way back my brother in law was walking towards me alone and i didnt think too much of it so i asked him if he was going to buy something. He said no, he said he only came to see me. And of course i wasnt taking it seriously i thought he was making fun of me but at the moment he gave me a look he had never given me before so i kinda couldnt speak and just stood there stupid and by the time i arranged what had just happened we were too close to everyone to hear so nothing happened after that. The whole ride home i couldnt stop thinking about it. About why he said that he just wanted to see me. He had seen me all trip. I didnt understand. I wanted to shake it off of my head and i was able to forget for the next few weeks. But after that i kept seeing him and the he looked at me just wasnt the same anymore. Or maybe it was me feeling those things that made me think differently but i cant breathe when he looks at me that way and i always panic and look away. To make things worse, two weeks later we found out he had been having an affair with his girlfriends friend for seven months. And i forgot to mention they were already engaged in that seven month period. The girlfriend of course didnt cancel the wedding and he was forgiven. You would've thought if the idea of him being my brother in law would've grossed me out, this would've just ended it all for me! But nope. Here i am still with these terrible feelings. Weve never touched more than a quick hello hug and kiss on the cheek and i crave his warmth so much. He never said anything else but that comment at universal studios again to me and i still miss talking to him. Were never alone anywhere and i always make up possiblities to try and make it possible but it never happens or i chicken out. I wish i didnt felt this way because i know that i could never forgive something like what he did. And my husband is so great. He is so close to his little brother too. But i just cant ever stop thinking if he feels the same way. Just to talk to him. To kiss him and tell him how i feel but i know that if i do ill wreck everything. Specially after what he did. I dont even know for certain if he feels this way or if he doesnt but its his gaze that keeps my hope alive but kills me slowly as well. Every song reminds me of him every love movie and i dont know why. The more i know i cant have him makes me want him even more and it kills me knowing how wrong it is. I want to forget him but hes so close with my husband and the whole family is super close its extremely hard to not think about him. What more could i do?
Ask the community | someone else, crush
Jealousy and affairs
Most of us experience feelings of jealousy in our relationship from time to time. Sometimes, it’s just a fleeting feeling that’s easy enough to let go of; other times, jealousy can take hold, settle in, and turn to anxiety. Mild feelings of jealousy can be useful. A little bit of jealousy might remind you not to take your partner for granted – but when jealousy won’t let go, it can become extreme or obsessive. Jealousy, left unchecked, can ruin a relationship. Where does jealousy come from? Often, it's linked to something in your past which has left you with a sense of insecurity. If you're insecure in your relationship and very dependent on your partner, then you may have more triggers and be more likely to become jealous. You may find it helpful to explore where your feelings of insecurity come from. If it’s something you’re able to identify, try to accept and own it. Have an honest conversation with your partner about your insecurities, and explain that you’re trying to work through them. Affairs People have affairs for a variety of reasons. It isn’t always about sex, but an affair is usually a sign that something in the relationship is not right. An affair is a breach of trust between partners. Trust is essential in any relationship, and it's often taken for granted. Finding out that your partner has had an affair can be a huge shock. If your partner has had an affair, you may feel insecure and jealous for a long time. You may choose to end the relationship but if you and your partner both want to try and repair the damage, it’s likely to take some time before you feel confident in your partner again. There’s no set time on how long it will take to rebuild your relationship, but it is possible to recover if you’re both willing to move on from the affair and work on the underlying issues. Many relationships do survive affairs and can sometimes end up being stronger over time. As time passes, trust can be restored and you may find yourself feeling more secure in your relationship. An affair will nearly always bring about a change in a relationship, but it doesn't always spell the end.
Article | jealousy, trust
3 min read
“My husband doesn't trust me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   So my husband and I have been together for 13 years now. We have two beautiful girls (age 6, 7). We’ve had our ups and downs, and managed through tough times. However I’m starting to think more and more I’m just living a life that he expects me to live. Since the time we’ve been together I’ve made tons of compromises to help him with his mistrust and jealosy: I’ve stopped using make up because he said guys keep staring at you, I’ve stopped to dress how I want and every time asked for his approval on clothes, I communicated with him every minute of the day where I was, etc... So now 13 years later, I’m still doing it. With me being a mom, trying to please my husbands jealosy, I’ve lost myself and exhausted. So today I feel like it is s last Dora, I returned from my business trip after not being home 4 days, he was not happy that I went of course. Besides him being mean to me almost every time I called to speak with kids he texted after I let him know I’m driving back from the airport, he said “Just let me know when you are five minutes out, so I can leave the house. I cannot see you now and not be mad at you for going on the trip”. He said “Return to your kids and take care of them”. I do not choose to go on the trip, it is my job.
Ask the community | trust
“Wife texting another man”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Recently I found out my wife has been in quite inappropriate conversation with another man, i seen their chat pop up while using her laptop and the content of one message was out of order so i clicked to read further into this. It had been going on 3 months or so and very sexual chats and even some non revealing but teasing photos had been sent. He was leading most of it but recently she seemed to be enjoying it more and playing along (she sent the photos) he kept asking for more revealing photos and she was teasing along. It took me a while but i eventually confronted her about my disgust and i tried to be reasonable and understanding and asked was something missing from our relationship. I had on many occasions felt we were missing something and a few times asked her and she kept saying all was fine. After talking to her about this she admitted she is a bit bored and the younger man made her feel good and it was flattering, she agreed it was inappropriate and promised me it would stop. A few weeks passed and all seemed great but i walked in one day of her taking a close up of her cleavage lying in bed. She quickly passed it off and denied it. She has moved all messaging to snapchat so no history is available and she gaurds her phone closely which was never really a thing before. I feel its still happening but dont know how to confront her again incase i come across as posessive and contrilling as im sure she will acuse me of this. We have always been a very open and trusting couple and this leaves me heartbroken and i feel ive lost trust in her since this but i dont want to be watching over my sholuder the whole time. I feel betrayed even though by the messages nothing has happend physically ( well at least not up to a few weeks ago) but i really tried to be understating to make things work and feel she played along and made me feel she would stop to save any further conversation as she has never been into having relationship chats. Is the snapchatting her workaround so i dont find out or am i being paranoid. Her job leaves her open to late nights away and he lives near her job and although i dont thinks anything has happened im fearful it can easily under the circumstances as its normal for her job to have her in late and different times each night. I think if it is still going on i will lose all trust and not want to be with her but we have kids and i adore them and i would lost without them. Any advice welcome and thanks in advance.
Ask the community | cheating, trust, emotional affair
“Why is he staying with me?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Ok this is a long one I have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 8 we have 2 children At Christmas he was out on his Christmas do i was browsing through Facebook before i went to sleep and a photo popped up with him tagged it showed him very cosy with a young girl. it disappeared around a minute later from Facebook but it was enough to make me think, so the next opportunity I got I looked at his phone and found more photos of him and this young girl on his phone.They are with other people but very cosy and they look like a couple. I did not mention it at first but i just tried to have a discussion about our relationship in which he admitted he had not been happy for 2 years. I thought then and there it was over but he sent be a huge bunch of flowers and seamed to want to work it all out. However i just couldn't shake the pictures from my mind so i eventually brought them up. He assured me they were just very good friends(his words) She had worked with him for 2 years and i had no idea who she was. its only a small office i know all the other ladies by name and i have never had any issues i used to pop in every now and again (for valid reasons he forgot his lunch things like that at his request) i had never seen this girl or heard him mention her. He then said he hadn't mentioned her because they talk about me?? As you can imagine things deteriorated between us and i was very hurt angry and confused. I lost a lot of weight and he seamed pleased by this kept telling me i looked great i was only a size 12 before all this (she is about a size 4 thats a guess very skinny) But then in the middle of all these arguments he though it was appropriate to book to go to Vegas with his friends. Ordinarily i wouldn't mind this but I had wanted to go to Vegas for my 30th 6 years ago at the time we couldn't afford it which is fine and he promised me we could go for my 40th i have been planning this and looking forward to it. financially we are a lot better off now i have been promoted and earn equal to him and there is the option to do overtime whenever i need/want. We could afford for us to go to Vegas now but i wanted it to be something special for my 40th. We have no debt nice cars a lovely house but i would give it all away to feel like i matter to him anymore. I'm struggling to understand why he is staying with me. No I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect I'm not i get very very angry and shout and sometimes say things i don't mean not violent I'm not a violent person at all. classic me (we wouldn't be here if you had kept it in your pants) but i often feel that i do these things to get him to sit up and take notice (wrong i know as it just makes him angry) We find it hard to have conversations without them becoming a argument. His work organise charity things and i have never been invited to 1 he says he wants that part of his life separate from me and he should be entitled to have that. i don't want to stop him doing anything i just want to be part of his life, i don't want to go to everything i know we have issues with childcare my parents live a long way away but help when they can, his parents are closer but don't really do much. I'm really struggling. He now says he's suffering from depression. I have booked him an appt at a the Drs. I'm trying to be supportive i know how horrendous depression can be. When i look back tho i don't think he has ever really considered me and I've probably just put up with it but I'm so so hurt by the Vegas thing he says he going and that's that. What would you all do? I'm lost, confused and don't want to destroy my children's lives. If you all think I'm in the wrong please say I'm especially interested in a male perspective. I have male friends but they are my friends and obviously give me the whole what are you doing with him get rid talk but i am also fully aware they only have my side.
Ask the community | trust, jealousy
“Difficulty coming to terms with her past”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've had an online female friend for a couple of years (I have been single for some time and quite comfortable with that) and we use to chat every few weeks via a chat program and occasionally over Skype. Recently she was facing some problems at work and was clearly stressed and anxious about her future. As someone who helps many friends I offered to help her with this issue. We resolved the issue over a two week period and got to know each other much better. Soon the phone calls became marathon sessions of up to 6 hours at a time, just talking as friends and being very open about our lives, loves lost and gained, and our general history. She is also going through another small issue for which I lend an ear to vent into. It became clear that she had faced some significant challenges in her early life which led her to join the military as soon as she could leave home. I found her strength of character, intelligence and sense of humor fairly intoxicating but as she had shown no interest, left it alone. Later she hinted at an interest but not wanting to damage a friendship by making a mistake I have continued to leave things as they are. I have been described as unusual for a guy in that I have strong feelings about the importance of trust and respect in relationships and never betraying someone by being unfaithful. I would rather end a relationship on a basis of mutual respect than cause someone pain just because of an inability to face up to issues. In a recent call she dropped some bombs (well to me they were bombs) about several relationships she had with married men (all military and mostly while on deployment). She said that she was attracted to these men and they to her and that in the military it's basically accepted that if you are away from home and mentally stable, you can be unfaithful and it's no problem. She said that each time both parties were just having sex and that no 'relationship' was created or intended. She also talked about being completely comfortable with using guys just for sex. She is still Facebook friends with all these men. I can safely say that many men I know would love to have a sex only relationship such as those she engaged in. Everyone has a past of some kind and my attitude to people's past relationships is generally that the past is the past but in this case, her flippant attitude towards the fact that these men were betraying wives that loved and supported them, and trusted them to be faithful and not bring home an STD threw me completely. In fact it makes my stomach turn. She does not appear to have remorse/guilt over the potential impact to the families involved and only once referenced them in a negative light as 'silly mistakes'. She has also mentioned married guys hitting on her recently and her main reason for not jumping them was because they were not attractive, not because they were married... You often hear people say 'Don't judge' and I am trying to resolve in my own head if I am wrong to not understand how a person that has been betrayed herself, is clearly intelligent, confident and driven, could care so little about others. I have also wondered if in fact she does feel bad about these 'non-relationships' and laughs them off to avoid talking about them and it just comes across as cold, or that perhaps she is simply a deeply selfish person I should avoid. So now my first instinct is to withdraw and not have anything more to do with her because it seems to me that it requires a significant level of detachment and lack of empathy to sleep with married men and not have any concerns for the potential destruction to an innocent person's life. I'd be interested to know if I'm overreacting or simply missing the plot here and that in this day and age it's considered ok to be unfaithful or that it's bad for the man but understandable and not so bad if a woman knowingly helps a man betray his wife because I need decide whether to continue holding out the hand of friendship or to simply cut her off entirely. Feel free to be as blunt as you want as I'm not the sensitive type, just looking for answers. Thanks.
Ask the community | trust, cheating
“I cannot trust a trustworthy man”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hello. I’ve met my partner a year ago, I love him dearly and have wanted to meet someone like him for a long time and see such a good future ahead of us... cue the ugly anxiety and insecurity from my part that raises its head constantly in the relationship (past trust issues with exes, life situations have greatly shattered my levels of trust and distorted my reality of how I perceive what is potentially threatening to my happiness) Recently, I made the mistake of looking at his pc..out of morbid curiosity to see what pics of his ex looked like. I opened up a can of worms as there were photo albums of them just kissing- photo after photo, the album was even called ‘kisses’. There were also folders of Valentines celebrations, plus many more seemingly happy and romantic times they’d shared. He’s always lead me to believe that this woman he was with for a few years wasn’t the one for him and that he didn’t see a future with her- despite his proposal to her a few years back. He’s always said they had no connection and that he is completely over that relationship. I know I shouldn’t have done this..but I deleted the photo albums. A few weeks ago, I stupidly returned to his pc and saw that he’d moved the photo albums I deleted to the original file paths on his computer- making me question why the hell he would want to keep photos of him and her kissing passionately and sharing valentines dinners. What I want to address is both why he would want to keep these pics and also what it is that I’m so insecure about. He’s never given me a reason not to trust him yet I can’t help but feel I should prepare myself for hurt. I’ve seen a counsellor about my levels of anxiety and insecurity but it was a short term solution to a long term issue of mine. I feel like I’m sabotaging a good relationship by looking for things to hurt or worry me and I would so appreciate anyone else’s views or advice on this. I can’t tell my friends or family as I feel too embarrassed by it all and my partner has understandably had enough of trying to reassure me. Please don’t judge me.
Ask the community | trust, jealousy
“Something she said years ago”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   We've been together for over 30 years...since high school. About 25 years ago, we had a big argument, enough of one that I stormed out for long walk to get my head straight. When I returned, we were both sorry it had happened and the first words to come out of her mouth was, "I made a mistake." At the time, less experience in hand, I assumed that to mean that she was sorry for the argument but now I wonder if she was. Why didn't she say, "I'm sorry", or "It was my fault", or "I shouldn't have gotten mad", or something along those lines. But she said she made a mistake, which leads me to wonder, as I have for many years, if she was trying to fess up to having cheated, which may explain why we got into an argument over something stupid to begin with...her feeling guilty. Truly, a person doesn't make a mistake when they cheat, as it's a choice, not an accidental choice either as it would have to be planned. So in anyone's estimation, is it likely that I have cause for wonder? Did she cheat and when I didn't pursue her statement she decided not to bring it up again thinking all was in the past? This has bothered me on and off for years and pops into my head every great once in a while when something reminds me of those times in the past. I even asked her about this a couple of years ago and she said she didn't remember saying that but it had to be because of our argument. If I found it to be true, I'd most likely forgive her, as it would have happened years before we were married. And it would give me a feeling a finally knowing the truth so that I could put it behind me. Should I ask her again and be steadfast that I want a real answer and explain to her my misgivings about her choice of words having given me this thought? What is the likelihood she really did cheat?
User article | trust, arguments
“Was my partner cheating?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Dating for 2 1/2 years I'm in California she is in Nevada. Had a few breakups she has major issues with me and my ex wife being compatible we have kids. In March of 2017 we had a short breakup like a week. We were talking and texting the next day after the break up mostly still Arguing which turned to when I was going to drive to see her then got back together. I asked back then if anyone hit her up, she said a guy she worked for texted her telling her he was divorced from his wife she told him she and I broke up. She told me that was it. Fast forward to January 2018, I'm on her computer looking for a certain pic of us and find a sexually explicit video sent by this guy. In the same file was similar videos of her... obviously sent to him. Called her out she lied saying he or she didn't send anything which then went to He sent video then She did but she didn't remember what she sent etc... She said this happened over a TWO day period during the "break up" Which wasn't really a break up.. I'm petty messed up over all this as doesn't go down that way theses days does it? I asked if they slept together she said no and had stuck to that for two months... Not sure i believe that at all... He is a total freak as she is too, so I'm not convinced. I feel she is still lying so Im about to break it off... Any thoughts? Opinions. Oh and then she tells me just the other day that the videos that were sent were some of the ones shade and sent to me... . She said she did not make them specifically for him.. What do you think I should do? She also was sexting him for that time as well, I told her I saw conversation, she said it was non stop for the two days...advice?
Ask the community | trust, cheating, long distance
“My partner refused to block his stalking ex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I'm in a relationship with this amazing guy for two years now. Back when we first started dating he told a brief story about a school friend he ended up having an affair with a few years ago. Now two years later this woman sends me a friends request on fb. At this point i dont realise she is the person he told me about. He says its his school friend, and that she sent him a message saying how much she enjoys creeping his love story with me and all my photographs of us (im a photographer), and would i do maternity pics for her daughter. At which point my gut feeling starts stirring. Keep in mind, he only mentions that after asked who is this woman sending me friends request. He gets defensive and says she is just a school friend admiring my photography. I accept her request and forgot about it for a week. Yesterday i get a message from her wondering if i would do the photos. And btw she yet again mentions how she enjoys creeping (her choice of words) our profiles. And she is a school friend. At this point my gut is screaming blue murder inside of me! Im trying to not react without having my ducks in the row. After looking at her profile i relise she is in fact the woman my partner had a brief affair with. However at this point both of them identified themselfes to me only as school friends. In the evening after work i ask my partner if the woman in question is who i think she is. He is surprised i remember and admits that she is. And it also transpires that he already responded to her on my behalf stating that i would love to do the photos for her expecting daughter and that i have a home studio and we also travel to town where she resides from time to time, basically offering my services to his ex without me even knowing. Correct me if i am wrong, but i see such situation highly inappropriate, especially given the fact neighter of them were in a hurry to tell me they were more than friends. I took this really hard. I felt very insulted and disrespected and i lost my cool... I was sooo mad to find out that my man would invite someone he slept with into my home, hiding the fact they had a thing. I responded to her telling her that i am aware they are more than friends and told her to go creep somebody else. Her only response was "oh....." Clearly my partner did not expect me to remember the story he told me two years ago. I told him how hurt it made me feel and asked him to tell her to stop creeping us and leave us the hell alone. He didnt do it. The conflict carried on into today as i was getting more and more upset about his refusal to respond to her and remove her from his social media. He said he doesnt want another conflict. But ots ok to have a conflict with me? I told him if he wants to fix this situation he needs to respond to her and block her to stop the creeping. I dont need him openly inviting his sex buddy into my house, even if just for business.... I left for a couple of hours in hopes he would do it. No such dice. I could not believe the resistance. We had a fight, he unfriended her just to shut me up and refused to message her or block her. Im still very hurt because he chose to avoid a conflict with her, over my peace of mind. I would probably have not gotten this upset, but he had a history of befriending and following lots of women in the beginning of our relationship. It stopped after i asked him to stop. But i am blown away by his resistance to do anything in this situation. Thoughts? Tia
Ask the community | trust, cheating, emotional affair
“My wife had an affair”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Six months or so ago I stumbled upon emails between my wife and her therapist. I didn't know she had been to a therapist however I felt relieved she was seeking help as she wasn't happy. Our marriage was becoming stale and we were not really connecting as a couple and hadn't for a couple of years. I blame myself for a lot of this as I was working very hard and long hours to establish a new business and didn't give my wife the help and attention she deserved with the kids and around the home. I suggested we went to some sort of relationship councelling but at the time she didn't want to so I was surprised but pleased she was coming round to the idea of therapy. As I read the emails, they became more intimate and quite clearly revealed that they were having some kind of an affair. I confronted her about them and she went into a rant about how I had driven her to seek the attention she wasn't getting at home. I couldn't really argue that point but was still shell shocked by this discovery. The last six months have been hard but I have been around for her and the kids. I arranged date nights and on a few occasions we've taken the kids to stay over at friends house and gone out for meals and stayed over in fancy hotels. We are at a point now where I am still trying to make up for the past but I feel she isn't as committed. We have no intimacy and sex seems to be off the agenda. I love her very much and she says she loves me too but last week I discovered that she is still friends on Facebook with the therapist and I feel upset and find trust slipping away again. She says that they don't communicate anymore but I'm not convinced. Since I discovered the affair it seems like she actively avoids any intimacy. She goes off to bed early as she says she's tired and won't let me even put my arm around her when I go to bed. When I try to be intimate with her she makes excuses and she gets up really early. I have suggested relationship councelling again but she doesn't want to. I really want to get things back to where we once we're. A loving intimate couple who spend time enjoying each others company. I feel so alone and the only connection we make is a kiss when either of us leave the house or when we say goodnight. Am I doing something wrong? Am I being selfish or expecting too much? I've rambled on quite enough and apologize for digressing from the title somewhat. I'd love to hear any suggestions or advice as I'm out of energy and ideas.
Ask the community | trust, cheating
“I'm pregnant and he ignores me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I'm pregnant, just found out. All this time it was his verbal abuse that made me get pregnant. He kept saying to me that I'm 30 – which I'm not, I just turned 27 – and when was I planning to have a child? It got to my head and now I'm pregnant and he doesn't want to acknowledge the pregnancy. I have so many issues with him but these days it's mainly because he goes to work comes home and then goes into his room where he plays video games and drinks beer until he is ready to come to bed and then sleep. So he doesn't really speak to me. I ask him to hang out and let's talk but he never wants to. He's also a huge ignoramus. Every time i try to talk about our problems and get him to understand my feelings he runs away literally out the room or he just doesn't wanna hear it. One minute he says kid just tie you down, u won't be able to do anything with life... and I've seen a change in him yesterday because he went to his cousins baby shower. I guess that made him a bit heartfelt since he is now telling me he wants me to keep our baby and he will spend more time with me and I shouldn't do anything stupid because I told him I have an abortion booked. I just feel like he will change as soon as a hit 3 months because it's hard to go ahead with abortion once you are second trimester. My family is also not supportive of us. My mom hates him and says it won't be her grandchild because she hates the father. He has 2 kids from a previous relationship. She says she wants nothing to do with me if I go ahead with the pregnancy and the only way I can go back home is if I abort it. That breaks my heart because it's still a life end of the day. Also I have felt extreme guilt in the past from 2 abortions I did for him... He was always misbehaving and drinking and not taking me or the pregnancy seriously much like now. I don't know why I thought he would change i am so stupid for falling for this again.
Ask the community | pregnancy, verbal abuse, big changes