“The end of an affair”
Two years ago, I became great friends with someone I met through work. A year into our friendship, it became more and we started an affair. We are the same age, both married, and have been for over 25 years each. We both have children. For my part the intimacy in my marriage disappeared about 9 years ago and although on the whole we get along I have missed the sex and have often felt sad and lonely. For years I tried to repair and discuss our issues but now I have lost the desire for my husband which I suppose lead to the affair. I can honestly say that I wasn't looking for anything outside of my marriage, I just shut down the feelings I had. When the affair began I confess to having very little guilt about sharing my body with someone new. Sex happened only a handful of times in the first 6 months and not at all from then on but I quickly fell in love. I never made any demands on him to leave his wife and family, honestly, I would have continued as we were happily. However for my lover, the guilt was to much and after 12 months I ended it as I couldn't bear to see his emotional struggle any longer. I'm struggling to cope with the loss of the relationship which is not helped by him wanting to stay friends. I now feel such a myriad of emotions, grief, loss, anger, jealousy and finally guilt... it took its time but there it is. However much I try to move on and forget him, I cannot seem to. The loss of my friend is such a physical pain that I sometimes feel I might curl up and die from it. I keep trying to look at the situation from outside with as rational a view as I can and whilst I know my faults and his it doesn't seem to take away the grief I feel. I haven't shared any of this with another living soul except for him which is why I'm on here I guess, I don't know what I'm looking for, possibly absolution or advice on how to move forward? Please be kind, I don't know if I could cope with outside hate, it's pretty tough from the inside already.
User article | someone else, emotional affair
“Mind games”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I took a trip to Germany and came back by bus. I didn't notice at first, but the guy sitting next to me kept trying to sneak his eyes on me. He stops in London I suppose. I didn't even dare to look at him because I have a boyfriend. I tried several times to see how he looks like tho, I couldn't get a full picture of him. I'm afraid that when I acted like I notice him, he would make a move on me and I don't know what to do. He hopped off the bus staring right straight at me wanting to talk to me or something, but I walked away acting like I don't notice him. He's pretty attractive, and I can sense that he's interested in me by the way he tried to get my attention. This is so weird of me. Sometimes I don't even know what I am doing why I would I feel the way I feel when I already have a boyfriend. A part of me wanna know him while my whole knows this isn't right at all. I just wanna release my unfinished business mind game so that I can just move on living my life like it used to be. I feel uneasy when I get attracted to him so easily even though we don't even know each other. If you would by any chance see this. I just wanna say I notice you, and you look like a daydream, but it's just unreal to be true....
User article | someone else, emotional affair
“My boyfriend lied about his special friend”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Sorry, it’s long! I am 37, separated with no kids and my boyfriend is 31, separated, with two kids from his ex-wife and his first born from a relation he had prior to meeting his ex-wife. We started dating nine months ago… First two weeks were like a fairy tale then he had to leave for work (he works offshore on four weeks rotation). We kept in contact when he was away, and video called each other every day. He came back and we went for a short holiday together, it was when he said I love you first (after just seven weeks). We seemed to be so intertwined with each other. We gave a lot of attention to each other, missed each other etc… It was such a lovely period where we were both falling in love with each other like crazy. He seemed very happy and according to him, the happiest he’s been as he finally found an understanding, beautiful woman who he can be open with. Before we met, after he separated from his wife (he separated seven months before he actually met me, and it was from her side, she stopped loving him, and he was totally devastated) he started going out with his sister (40) and her best friend (48) who is also a family friend. This woman and my bf had built a certain bond between them and they became ‘special friends’. I knew about her and the first time I actually met her during a family wedding, two months into dating, I immediately felt/realised she liked him from the way she greeted me, which was a ‘hi’ and she turned away. When I asked him about it he said that she does have a soft spot for him, but they are just friends. I accepted it and It stopped there. I never told him not to message her or anything… she was just a female friend and he seemed to be head over heals in love with me. Roll on five months from the beginning of our relationship and he went for a guys’ night out with his boy-friends. At a point, in the beginning of the night, he sent me a selfie of him with his two boy-friends, on a table at this particular lounge/restaurant drinking Rose wine. The following day I asked him how the night has been and he briefly explained the night; at a point just mentioned they bumped into his sister and her friend. Five days later I see a picture on FB of his sister with her friend, dining at the same place as him, having rose wine as well, possibly on the same table. I asked him about it and there is where all the lies came coming out. At first he told me they bumped into them and decided to dine with them and later he said that he found out last minute his sister was going out to the same place so decided to join them. (1. please note that this is a busy restaurant and it’s not easy to go and get a table for 5 without reservation, 2. If he had planned to have a guys’ night out, I don’t think it’s on for him to do last minute changes and meet his girl-friends together with his mates) Then, even the details of the night were getting different from what he had briefly explained. I couldn’t believe him and was thinking that he deliberately hid from me since there was this ‘special’ friend of his. He kept on insisting that they are just friends and nothing ever happened between them. Two weeks later he ‘confessed’ after I told him to tell me the truth, that they had agreed upon this night only a day before and he did not tell me because 1. I had other plans anyway, 2. They were planning to go clubbing (just the boys) after they’re done from this lounge. I decided to believe him but my instinct knew there was something I don’t know. When I asked why he didn’t tell me immediately that they met them and dined on the same table and he even sent a picture misleading me, he told me that his ex-wife was very jealous and not understanding and he would hide to her in order not to create any arguments. So, his first reaction was that of hiding, even though there was nothing. After that night, I met this woman twice. First time during a family picnic where she tried to make a fool out of me, being rude to me and ignoring me etc etc.. I spoke to him about it and he got the excuse that she’s like that with everyone especially until she gets to know a person. Then I met her again on his mum’s birthday dinner, we were only five of us on a table and again she totally shut me out. Especially since these incidents happened, I wasn’t happy, I was getting more and more anxious, feeling that there is/was something I really need to know. I asked him to tell me what there is/was between them several times and he always insisted there’s nothing but they’re just good friends. At one point he told me she finds him very hot, another time he told me that they had mutually agreed that they cannot possibly be with each other, at other times he tells me that he isn’t even attracted to her. I couldn’t believe him, I was hearing too many contradictions and lies. For the past 3 months, whenever her name comes up, I used to ask him about her, hear ‘lies’ and get anxious. He couldn’t keep up with my anxiety because it was because of him. He was telling me that there is nothing else that I don’t know and to please stop talking about her as there really is nothing, that this is getting out of hand and that he had nothing else to say or do about her to reassure me. I tried to shut up as much as I could, even though my anxiety was killing me. I wasn’t trusting him. I didn’t want to push him away, nagging about the same thing, but then I couldn’t hold it any longer. Last week I was really anxious and after a conversation about her, I asked him to show me her chats! At first he did not want to, he told me that if he does so, he’s going to resent me, then he told me that by doing so he would go down the same road he was with his wife, and finally he told me ‘ok, I’ll show them to you, but not now, when you are calm because now you will interpret everything wrong.’ He then tried using his mobile, telling me that he’s just scrolling and didn’t want me near him. I knew he was trying to delete messages… At a point I snatched it from his hand and I found out very playful conversations, not every day, but with sexual innuendos. He sent him her selfies and he sent her his pictures including shirtless pics with his abs showing. He told her stuff like, ‘sexy and a naughty devil’s icon’ after one of the selfies. Or once she said something after he sent her a shirtless pics and then he went ‘and I haven’t even touched you’. Or she sends him ‘missing you’ or ‘thinking of you’ or she sends him loads of hearts and kisses and stuff. These mainly happened during the first 3 months of us together. One day, two months into our dating, she texted him in the morning ‘thanks for the surprise’ to which he answered ‘that was my plan, dear. I just landed in…. ’ He was on his way to work and I had just dropped him off at the airport and he had just left me a loving card on my bedside table before he left – when I asked him about it, he couldn’t even remember what the surprise was. It was also very clear there were some messages deleted but he kept on denying this. They also had a video chat on one particular night, when he was off-shore and he was feeling down. I also found out on the messages that they had agreed on that night out, a good 3 weeks in advance! I was mad and furious… I grabbed my bags and left! To be fair, these messages had stopped 3-4 months ago, when this thing of his night out happened and I was suspecting there’s something. Since then, there were only a couple of normal messages (one liners with no hearts and kisses). He is now trying to explain that there was absolutely nothing between them and that is just the way they talk and joke with each other. He told me that he had stopped everything the minute he thought he was going to lose me and he never told me the whole truth because he didn’t want to hurt me or lose me. He was afraid to tell me to go out with them because he knew how she is and wanted us (me and her) to get to know each other before we all go out together. He’s begging me to stay, telling me that he never cheated on me and that he loves me. That he never meant to hurt me and that he’s utterly sorry for what happened and for how he made me feel. He is not eating and sleeping. I told him I need to move on but deep down I don’t know what I should do. What is worrying me the most, is not the kind of relationship they had, even though those were not appropriate messages at all, but the fact that no matter how many times I asked him, no matter how bad with anxiety he used to see me, he never came clean about her. He lied and lied and was never vulnerable enough to come clean. If he did, I would have probably been mad for a short while, tried to understand and appreciate the fact that he’s owning up to his mistakes and perhaps I could see a real man in front of me. But now all I’m seeing is someone who was hiding from me and lying to me! These last three months, he stayed home because the company stopped all contracts and will resume work again in a month. He spent ALL evenings with me, including weekends – it was his decision not to go out with friends at night. We used to sleep together every night, either at his house or at my house. Sometimes he also drove me to work. We were inseparable. We loved being with each other. We did everything together. When he had his kids, once a week, we used to take all 3 of them out to nice places and spaces suitable for them, I loved them and they loved me. He loved that fact and told me plenty of times that I’m much of a better parent then their own mothers. He mentioned several times that he had never received such love and care from his gf and her family. Even though I was trying to build my trust back in him after that incident, I loved him with all my heart and so did my family. Our sex was great and he seemed very happy with me. He used the flaunt me with everyone and tell them I’m the apple of his eye. He told me that I’m now his life and that he won’t live without me. I am now so confused! What shall I do? Shall I forget and go back with him or shall I just move on? He promised me he wouldn’t talk to her anymore, even if it means he opt out of family do’s, because of her. But I’m scared. I’m scared he’d lie to me again if something else is to happen – not just with this woman. Also, I’m thinking that if there really was nothing, what he was doing was to get attention from another woman, which I don’t like, especially considering it was done during the first months, when we were falling in love with each other and when he was telling me the most beautiful of words. I think this is a huge sign of immaturity or that he’s a perv. I’m so confused… I don't think I should consider going back with him. Will I be able to ever trust him again??
Ask the community | someone else, emotional affair
“Why doesn't my husband want me?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been married for 12 years. My husband and I are happy, we do not have a perfect marriage but who does? From the start of our marriage we never had much of a sex life, even as newly weds. We would average maybe four times a month on a good month. He is not very affectionate toward me either. I had never felt attractive in my marriage, I am always the one who initiated sex and most of the time I got turned down. He does not kiss me and never performed oral sex for me at all, but expects it from me every time and sometimes just that for him and nothing at all for me. Later I found out he was watching porn A LOT. This broke my heart, because he never wanted me. About nine years and two sweet daughters later I found out that he was cheating - it was a one night thing. He swore that it meant nothing, in order for me to stay I demanded he tell me eVerything. I also found the other woman and talked to her about it. The stories matched up - apparently the plan was to cheat with her but he could not get an erection despite her best efforts. I asked him if he had kissed her (which he never kisses me) and he had - not only that but because he couldn't perform he gave her oral sex! He never does this for me! Well of course i was very upset and left him. He was devastated and apologised and said he would be a better husband and do all those things for me blah blah blah. So for my children and the fact that I love him we worked it out. He has done much better - he still will not kiss me but he will occasionally do oral. And he is more affectionate and I can honestly see that he is trying more than he ever has. Our sex life was great, 5-6 times a week and much more passion than ever before. But for the past two weeks he has not touched me, despite my attempts. When I asked him about it he said he was just in a down spiral (I forgot to mention he has cycling bi-polar disorder) and that his sex drive decreases when he has a down phase, so i tried to understand and be supportive, but I checked his phone last night and his history was absolutely full of porn! So his sex drive is decreased but he can watch porn and not want to have sex with me? I do not understand this and it makes me feel disgusting! I even offered for us to watch together but he did not want to do that. My body has changed a lot since having our children, and he knows how insecure I am about it. He says my body has nothing to do with it it's just his bipolor decreasing his libido. But i don't know about that seems like if libido was decreased it would be decreased for everything not just your wife, and be perfectly fine for porn. Can anyone help me understand this?
Ask the community | pornography, masturbation, sexless
“Recent widow, now involved in an affair”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My husband died eight months ago after a two-year fight with cancer. He was my life, my heart, my love. People at work were and continue to be supportive. My best friend, male, has been there every step of the way. I admire him for his loyalty to his wife and kids, and how he treats his family. One day while he was comforting me, he kissed me. I kissed him back and it was all I could think of for the entire weekend. We did kiss off and on, got handsy with each other, and had oral sex...all at work. We did send some racy pictures of ourselves to each other on Snapchat, and flirted via text. He would tell me that his family will always come first and I would not hear from him on nights and weekends (other than the snaps.). He thanked me once for not making his life complicated. He mentioned his guilt several times, worried that I would resent him one day. I told him that I was aware what we were doing. He is very busy with his family, yet would say he would come by to help with equipment, mowing, pool care, etc, but would never show up. I trust this man with all my heart that he doesn't want to hurt me. He would come in on Monday mornings and whisper in my ear that he missed me. He would pull me in for kisses and hugs. Oral sex, but not to completion, was an almost daily event. He finally orgasmed, and the next day the entire mood changed. He blamed his upset stomach for not being romantic...this lasted days. When I finally asked him about it, he said that he felt guilty, that I needed to have patience. I admit that I did pull out of the tricks I have for making him want me more. I want him to want me more, knowing that he will never leave his wife. He is truly one of my best friends who has helped me (even before we were romantically involved) with the grief of my husband's death. I see him every day at work, his office faces mine. I can't imagine working without him by my side. I am trying to act like everything is OK when at work, but it isn't. How could I have two totally different yet totally painful heart breaks in such a short time?
Ask the community | breakups, rejection, cheating
“Haven't had sex in two months”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hello. New to the group here... We have been together, 12 years, my husband says he is very much attracted to me, and basically wants no other. Our sex life, I believe was very good. Porn, not an issue, toys, not an issue, exploring, not an issue. But for him, he has not had an interest in sex in at least two months. Yes I have mentioned it to him. Yes I have said I miss having sex with him. I am a very sexual person. We have had relationship issues in past, but i believed we were past. Apparently not enough to where it has now affected our sex life. He drives trucks and yes i am with him in truck 24/7, but i do go home every 4 weeks for a few weeks to handle appointments. No, he is not one to be a cheater or even consider cheating. I am truly his world and his true love. I just would really like us to have our sex life back. I have even gone to the point of telling him i have my vibrator with me in the showers these days and its not an issue for him where as in the past it would have been. I have lost weight. I am not a big girl, I am a medium size person. I am attractive, so far so say, yes, sexually looking. Just he has no magnetism towards me, and i remember so long ago when we first met, he had his ex-wife living with him, and they were not sexual, that is how i feel at this point. We live together, sleep side by side, and have no sexual contact. But he says he will never be without me. I so desperately want our sex life back...i am a very sexual person and need want my husband... HELP... I'm at a loss here.
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“I have fantasies about someone else”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I really don't understand myself. I hate to admit it to say the truth even to myself. I consider myself a loyal person who doesn't wanna mess around. I want a relationship that works. I'm in a relationship with my first love. We're certain about our future. We're gonna build a family together. However, my mind oftentimes slips away and fantasizes other guys. I always convince myself that it is just a short-time madness, and most of the time it is. The feeling did fade away, but I feel so terrible for my boyfriend. He doesn't deserve this. We always have sweet talks like always. I love the way we are. Stupid and shitty as it is, I am fantasizing my professor. I never have until he appeared in my dream once. I've started to notice him like what the f**k. I've started to lock swift eyes on him. Weird thing is I caught him does the same shit. My mind and my head is a complete mess. I am naturally attracted to good looking guys, but as I say I don't fall in love if my mind does not think about it further. It fades, but when my mind keeps thinking and analyzing shit, it will be messed up. Like what the hell. Normally, my boyfriend and I always share every secret with each other, but this. I don't wanna hurt him cuz it'll hurt me too. I don't share my sheepish stories even with my best friend because I believe time will make everything up for me as it always does. And, another thing is we used to break up once due to some other reasons, but we were back together after a short period of time cuz we couldn't live without one another. But, during that time, I was hurt as hell, but I let myself loose to see good in other guys. Three guys were falling for me. My mind was so conflicted. I had some feelings for them too, but I know deep down I love my bf, so I didn't give them any chances. Why am I always like this? It is so unfair for my bf. I don't wanna be like this too, but I can't stop my messy head oftentimes. I just wanna release my thoughts. Keeping it to myself makes it hard on me. I would like to hear other people's stories too.
Ask the community | someone else, emotional affair
“Unrequited for 12 years”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My situation is ridiculously unusual. I am in a platonic loving partnership with a man for the past 12 years or more. No sexual contact exists between us because he has had no experiences yet plenty of rejection by girls when he was growing up. I have tried various ways to work through the the physical stuff yet simply hit a brick wall. I am immensely very attractive and very giving of my self to him in all other ways despite still having my own strong feelings for a man I knew - 12 years ago or more. This man isn't married yet in a long term relationship with a woman, he also has a strange complex relationship with his sister and likes to seduce young men to engage in sexual activities with him. He doesn't know that I know all of this yet am pretty certain his wife knows something yet way too protective of the falsehood family he appears to embrace. Whilst I haven't gone all out to let him know my feelings entirely nor to his wife, he has gone all out to let me know that he still likes me - can't say how because anyone could read my post and link stuff together. His attraction to me isn't superficial and does have history - never slept with him, yet the opportunities always there and both of us shared a meaningful, somewhat deeper human connection, his wife sort of figured out something was 'going on' yet nothing at all physical, despite him making physical gestures and comments that he wanted to make out with me. Over the past 12 years we now only bump into one another and still those feelings are mutual yet unexplored. Every time he sees me, beeps his horn at me etc.... He is locally known by a lot of people and runs a tenancy business . I love my partner wholeheartedly and never once cheated on him, yet these unexplored feelings for this other man plague my life - he is surrounded and protected by others, not because of me, yet because of other things I can't go into. I guess I am attracted to danger, who knows?
User article | someone else
“How to talk to husband about sex toys?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've been married for almost a year and my husband's sex drive has diminished a lot. He is 39 and I am 29. We used to have sex about four or five times a week for about a year (about six months dating and three months married), but now we barely get it on once a week. He just switched jobs and we moved to a new country and I understand he is under a lot of pressure, but I know from his browser history that he has been watching porn about three or four times a week. I suspect he masturbates but I'm not sure. I don't pry, he leaves the porn tabs open and, as we share computers, I run across them. I've tried approaching the subject calmly and asking if he wants to try something new but he denies it and doesn't want to talk about it. I know he is curious about anal sex and toys from his porn searches, which are pretty softcore, btw. So i want to try some of them with him. The problem is... he is a typical christian macho man who says masturbation and porn are wrong even though he does it on the side. I am totally okay with both and we have talked about it, he knows I respect his privacy and as long as he is not choosing porn over me or getting addicted, I am fine with it. I am just worried now that he doesn't want to have sex with me but is watching porn often. Our sex life has been on decline in quality too. Honestly, using a vibrator, for example, would really be great for me too, since lately he just finishes in two minutes and barely even tries to touch me. I haven't let myself go, I've actually been exercising for over six months now and look better than before. I try to dress nicely for him and make myself up but he doesn't seem to care. I just want to make sex interesting again... for both of us. Should I even try to talk to him about it or would I be risking damaging his masculinity too much? How can I bring it up without hurting his masculinity? I am at my wit's end here... Thanks and sorry for the long post.
Ask the community | pornography, masturbation
“Social skills and team sports”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   One of the best after-school activities for kids is to participate in youth sports. Taking part in different sports activities over the school years can benefit kids in a number of ways. Not only they get great much-needed exercise from sports, but taking part in team sports also provide them with numerous valuable life lessons. It’s often encouraged that kids can participate in sports from a very young age. Take a look at how kids benefit from playing sports. Gaining social skills Social skills are best gained when children take part in team sports that require and enable them to interact with one another. Kids who are not talented athletes will still benefit from team sports as they will learn a lot by interacting with the other kids. Shy or timid-natured kids can learn a lot and improve their social skills by playing team sports. Team sports allow kids to solve problems by communicating with each other – listening and taking in others' ideas, and brainstorming together to reach a strategy. Kids can develop leadership skills by being a part of a team. The communications practice that they get goes a long way to help them in evolving their minds for future leadership roles. Getting much needed exercise Organised sports events enable kids to get mental and physical exercise. Their mind and body can get a great workout by taking part in sport activities. Outdoor recreational sports enable kids to create bonds with other children, making memories that last forever. Paying sports also acts as an excellent stress reducer, promoting healthy body and minds. Better academic performance Children who are more active in sports may show a greater success rate at school than kids who are not so active. Participating in sports may enhance fine motor skills in children. It can also refresh their minds, allowing them to pay better attention in class. Sports can help them by sharpening their focus and improving their memory. Team sports also teach kids how to follow instructions and directions, helping them to cope better at school. Forming friendships through teamwork Children's interpersonal skills are developed as they participate in teamwork. This helps them develop strong bonds and promotes a better social life down the road. They learn how to form friendships by supporting each other and working towards a common goal. It helps improve co-operation and leadership skills and teaches them how to accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Teamwork also makes sports more fun as they get to share the experience with other kids and they learn how to cheer each other on. Encouraging healthy competition Sport provides children with a healthy outlet for competition. Team sports teach kids how to compete with others fairly and how to give their best towards winning. It also teaches that while it’s great to win, it’s also OK to lose sometimes. They learn that practicing something enables them to perform better. They learn that, through discipline and hard work, they can fare better. Competition in sports also teaches them to stay positive even though the situation may not always be in their favor. For instance, if their team loses, they still need to remain positive to uplift the team’s morale. Reinforcing mental health Being a part of organised team sports teaches kids to be more self-aware and boosts their self-esteem. Teamwork makes them feel more valued and needed. It teaches them to think big and how to be a part of something that is bigger than themselves. Playing recreational sports can relieve stress and help them to combat anxiety. Parents can offer encouragement and compliments to children, rewarding them for their achievements. This can help build their confidence. Performing well at team sports can also earn the acknowledgment and respect of the teammates, actively building positive self-esteem. Learning to manage and organise time Sports teach children how to follow instructions. This helps them learn how to manage time for the different activities in their lives such as school, homework, house chores and other forms of recreation. They learn how to make time for each activity and how to make commitments based on the time they have allotted. Teaches them a good sporting attitude Participating in team sports is a great way to learn about the value of sportsmanship. They get to learn the importance of fair play and how everyone deserves a chance at playing. They learn how to play their part by taking responsibility and how to not argue if things don’t always go their way. One of the biggest lessons learned is how to lose graciously and not to brag if you win. The value of team play is emphasised and they can also learn how to cheer their teammates on. Learning to respect others Team sport can teach children how to respect the decisions of referees, umpires, coaches and other officials. This also enables them to build respect for themselves and to respect the development of their careers. Respect for other individuals helps them to establish positive habits throughout their lives. As parents, it is your responsibility to provide your children with positive experiences throughout their childhood, so that their development takes proper shape. Providing them with access to sports facilities can go a long way in ensuring that. Adequate sports experiences as a child can encourage kids to keep making healthy life choices. It also helps them stay actively involved in sports and have an energetic lifestyle. So, help your child to make the right choice by involving them in sports at a young age.
User article | friends, school
“He watches porn but never touches me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I didn't ever want to have to talk about this, it's so hurtful, but here I am. My BF and I have been together eight years and it has been so amazing after ironing out the beginning, which should have just smacked me and clear then but nope. In the last three years – yep that's right, three years – we haven't had sex. Nor kissing with passion. I get the same smooch his mother gets! No tight snuggles, no lying watching a movie together. It's him on his phone and I watch TV alone. I have tried and tried to start something but it's play stupid and roll over game. After three years a person has been over-patient. It started as me trying to walk by him naked or spray my perfume on before bed, sexy panties. I'm a small woman, nothing has changed with me, and I get nothing from him, not even a rollover for a kiss. He faces away from me and turns his head to the side for my magical goodnight kiss. In the last seven months, I have started to say "I'm here why don't you want me"? But i get excuses or it gets turned around on me so I am made to feel bad. Now it's to the point of me crying and crying, "Why don't you want me?" "What can I do to change?". I was made to feel his sex drive was low and he is so sorry, blah blah blah.. Screw that! His sex drive isn't too low for porn! He hasn't been touching me but he sure has been doing it to porn... We have watched porn together. I'm up for it, for sure, to help get a little dirtier but when you don't touch me unless you have been watching porn... no thank you! And you know what kills me? After I sat many many times over and over like an ass thinking he would stop, he won't do it because I told him it makes me feel ugly and unwanted and just discarded that he doesn't get aroused by me but has to use other women? I thought "My man isn't like that, he will stop, he knows it hurts me, and he wont hurt me". Boy was I wrong. He not only keeps watching it alone but hides the page or clicks the home button when I walk in the room. Like I'm not a complete idiot. So again last night, people, I cried and begged him to please stop watching it alone. Touch me if you're horny, I'm right here, why aren't I good enough? And I get deny, deny, deny and now I'm crazy, I didn't see porn, he isn't watching that. I have problems, I'd better go see a counsellor. I'm an embarrassment, I'm being an Idiot... I'm told to f off, get out of his face, he's tired of my bullshit. Last night, I lay in bed with so much going on in my mind. I kept to myself, watched a movie and fell asleep. Woke up at 5:15 cause I rolled over and, hmmm, he was gone... strange. So I got up to pee and, lo and behold, there he was on the couch on his phone. As soon as he saw me, that phone was flipped over faster than you can imagine. So I asked, "Hey, wanna prove me wrong? Let me see your phone. Show me the last page you were on. Just one. Prove me a paranoid crazy woman, just show me something", and as I stood there crying, pleading to him to prove me I'm wrong he tells me he's tired and will show me later... And his phone is hidden. Weird how it isn't on the end table like it is every night for the last eight years!!! My last comment to him was, "If you can't show me your phone and prove me wrong, then I now know I'm %110 right. He isn't going to stop. He doesn't care how it makes me feel and what am I doing still writing this? No sex for three years, over-excessive pain and anger, that's how my life has been. But I do see I'm not alone. To any woman or man that has a partner that makes them feel this way in any shape or form – please don't keep hurting yourself by letting someone stomp on your trust and heart. You're amazing and don't let anyone tell or show you different. Sorry it's probably all over the map, I'm still shaking from this morning's hidden phone event! Someone, anyone, talk to me please.
Ask the community | pornography, masturbation, sexless
“Could my wife be gay?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My wife and I have been married for two decades. After our second/last child was conceived, my wife's libido dropped to zero. This was 15 years ago. When I told her that lack of intimacy and sex in our marriage was putting me on the edge of walking away she agreed to try to spice things up. She said that it was difficult to get in the mood because she was always so tired from work and household chores. I took the cue and took over all of the household duties, but still no response from her. I offered to watch some porn together to see if that would help and she agreed but only if it were all girls videos. When she would watch these with me she responded quite well! Without the video, if I would initiate contact by touching her she would have no physiological response. I don't think that she is aware of any of this, she certainly hasn't been willing to talk about it with me. But I started putting two and two together and I wonder if she didn't marry me to be able to have a "normal" life, be able to raise a family, and avoid all of the challenges of a non-standard nuclear family that she would have to face in a same sex relationship.
Ask the community | pornography, masturbation
“Sexual insecurity after getting an IUD”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I am aware that a lot of questions on this site already revolve around what I’m going to talk about now, and that there doesn’t seem to be a lot of people left commenting but I have the strong urge to talk to someone about this and I don’t want to bother anyone in real life with it. My boyfriend and I have only been dating for roughly a year but there already seems to be an issue in the bedroom – he’s my first serious boyfriend and we lost our virginitys to one another. That being said, in the beginning we were (as to be expected) very ‘eager’ to do it, numerous times a day, multiple days a week all that good stuff. We had some issues concerning birth control (me going on the pill and having really extreme and bad reactions to it) and I ended up getting a copper IUD inserted because my body just seems to be very sensitive to hormones. Since then, I haven’t been ‘in touch’ with my body – I’m a naturally very insecure person and suffer from a few mental disorders that make me very sensitive and anxious especially when it comes to my physical appearance. It’s been this way since the very beginning (because it’s a ‘me’ problem) i.e. not being able to do certain positions because I’m too insecure that you could see how fat I must look (even though I know that I’m actually pretty skinny after having lost a bunch of weight due to mental reasons), not being able to perform oral on him because I’m too scared of not doing a good enough job – the list goes on. But since I had the IUD put in (or maybe not, I can’t remember too well honestly), I’ve grown more and more ashamed of my own body – the reason is that now, I produce a lot of ‘fluid’. No idea if it’s because of the IUD (I’ve heard women say that they experience excessive wetness after having that) but to me it seems like that’s the only logical explanation. It’s just too much. The worst part about it is that because of the excessive fluid, the friction gets less and less – I’ve done kegel exercises, I’ve tried researching in every way I could (and I’m 17 and was a virgin before him so), I’ve started beating myself up about it so much to the point where the thought of sex isn’t fun anymore. It stresses me out. This is also because he said something once, not in a mean-spirited way or to hurt me, but it was something along the lines of ‘…why aren’t you as tight as you used to be?’.. He has never said it again, never purposefully made me feel bad about myself and he does always try to show me that he’s attracted to me and that I’m not an ugly piece of shit but that question has stuck with me. Even though it’s been over half a year, even though he’s never mentioned it again, even though I explained to him that it was the excessive amount of lubrication my body was producing that made it feel like I was somehow ‘loose’ (or I really am haha fuck me) – it’s stuck in my head. I deal with a lot of insecurity just because of the way I am and how I was treated previously, and now I feel absolutely sexually inadequate. I feel like I’m a disappointment as a woman because all a woman needs to be is sexually desirable and the perfect ‘fuck doll or else she has no worth – and even though I know that not to be true and stupid it’s still so evident in our society and it only adds to me feeling worthless. And now that his sex drive has also decreased over time (He started a business a few months ago so he naturally has less free time to spend on me which is something I can fully understand) it only adds to it. I never initiate sex because of how insecure I am and how scared I am of being rejected (also it just turns me on more to be ‘submissive’ in the bedroom if anyone knows what I mean) and so it only happens if he’s in the mood. We joke about me having a really high sex drive and wanting to go pretty much anytime of the day but deep down it really bugs me and makes me feel like I’m not right or dirty or not desirable enough since we’re always taught that men are supposed to be the ones to crave sex and women are supposed to be the gate keepers and only put out every once in a while. I feel like it’s not normal that he doesn’t constantly want sex, and because it’s my first relationship I have no idea what other people are like. When we do have sex I get very bad performance anxiety at times and generally don’t enjoy it as much as I think I could (I’ve never had an orgasm when we had sex, only a full number of 3 times during our entire relationship when he performed oral on me which is something I normally don’t let him do because I’m too insecure and ashamed of my body), which is also why I think I would be able to go for round 7# or 10# or 65# - because I don’r really get fully satisfied. I can also see that most of these problems are my own fault because I 1) don’t initiate 2) never let him do oral in the past and now I don’t think he’d ever try again because I rejected him so often 3) I purposefully make it about him and his pleasure because I feel so uncomfortable and I just want to know that I pleased him, no matter what I feel. We now have sex maybe once every two or three weeks which is way too little for me – it gets me to the brink of insanity honestly. We’re 17 for christ’s sake. I’ve reached a point where if he tries touching me I get extremely anxious and just want him to stop, I don’t find myself attractive and I constantly remind myself of how much better other women look, how their butt’s are way bigger, how their boobs are more plump, how their stomach’s are more flat – the list goes on. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m not desirable enough to make him want to have sex with me – at the same time, I usher his hand away when he touches me, because I’m too scared of him feeling or seeing any sort of imperfection and finding me disgusting for it. I’ve brought to his attention that I want to have more sex and how it makes me feel, he said he was sorry and that he’d try his best but that he’s got a lot to do because of his business and such which I totally understand. I still feel like he just plain and simple doesn’t find me hot. I feel like I’m not woman enough to please him (even though I know that’s stupid and sexist, it’s somehow ingrained in my head). I don’t want to talk to my friends about it because I know for a fact that their problem is their boyfriends constantly wanting sex and them not being in the mood, which only makes me feel worse in comparison. I’m starting to refuse to have sex even though I want it to bad because I’m too scared of doing a bad job (there have been several really awkward situations which I guess is completely normal and he just laughed it off but that type of stuff haunts me forever) I also don’t want to talk to him about this again because I don’t feel like he understands or deems it a big issue, especially since I have already talked to him about it and I can also acknowledge that I’m the problem, not him. I must seem like a total mess but since I don’t expect anyone to read or comment, I guess it’s okay to be honest.
Ask the community | sex, intimacy
“My partner watches porn instead”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I've been with my partner only two years and have had a baby together (six months old). I understand having a baby probably changes things sexually, but I'm not convinced that's all it is here. I've been through his search history loads of occasions and know he watches porn now and again and it really fucks me off. Not because I have a problem with it because I don't – I enjoy watching porn too – but want it to be something we do together or even he does when he's putting out even. But no!!! I can instigate sex and he just acts like he's not interested all the time. In fact I'm always the one that does, never him. He's not very affectionate towards me and just shuts off when I try to talk to him about it, does not say a word. Doesn't assure me he's happy with me or anything. This morning I was wondering around naked, then in underwear for a good hour. I could tell he was playing with himself under the covers and had a look on his face like I might actually get lucky, but no. I started to get bored of him ignoring me as always and popped down stairs for five mins as soon as I was gone. He watches porn on his phone and had a wank. WTF. For me, physical contact is a must and I can enjoy porn and masturbating all day long but on its own is just not satisfying enough. I'm so sick of feeling hurt and upset and betrayed. I'm far from perfect like all of us however I'm not that bad and am a confident person generally not easily threatened by other females, but with my partner now I just feel I'm not good enough for him. He seems so much more interested in any other girl except me. And it's tearing me up inside. I feel mugged off and don't really understand why he's even with me really. Just to make clear, I'm very open about how I feel. I've said on so many occasions I'm happy with him watching porn but feel uncomfortable when he doesn't want sex with me and does it behind my back. I've said I'd like to watch it with him but get the feeling the reason he doesn't want to is because he watching girls that are nothing like me??? The fact he goes silent when I ask any questions about it drives me mad and the saying 'silence speaks a thousand words' is so very true, I believe. I just don't know what to do? I have literally tried every possible way of talking it over but he just won't have it. I've tried just ignoring and not letting it get to me in case I might seem a bit needy and I've tried being upfront and to the point, but nothing's working. The problem is I feel like I want to go elsewhere to get my satisfaction. Every women needs to feel wanted and I don't at all. I've never felt so low about myself in my life and it's not because I'm unhappy with me – it's the way he is with me. I was in a 12-year relationship before this and never once had a problem like this. I just don't know how to deal with it other than end it. Or go elsewhere so I can give him a massive 'fuck you' as he clearly doesn't care enough about my feelings to even try to resolve this? I just want people's opinions. Am I being over the top or am I absolutely right to feel this way? And how do I deal with it? And him? Please? I feel a bit pathetic but I can't stop thinking about it and can't even bring myself to go anywhere near him any way as I do feel like he's cheating on me almost.
User article | pornography, masturbation
“Can’t we live happily after marriage?”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I was so happy before marriage. I was a free bird. I could just go out of my house any time, just a start away from my scooter. I ate what I wanted, doesn't matter what is the time, 4 in the afternoon or 9 at night. I was earning my own money and did not rely on anyone. Now after marriage, I had to come here in the USA - the land of opportunities but I have no work permit, no money. Every time I have to rely on my husband, whether I want to shop something or eat something. I have a dream to travel the world. My in-laws and even my husband think that I am just wasting his money seeing the opportunity or his money. He is not aware that I used to shop and eat and spend money a lot than I do here with him. I was an independent girl. I have done everything I ever wanted with my own money. Also, he thinks now that I am in the USA I developed a hobby of traveling but he doesn't know It was my dream. After all this still, I am trying to save his money by going less out for dinner, don't remember the last time I went to the mall for shopping, and don't remember the last time I spent on online shopping. He has money to send to his family but whenever we discuss, he always says we are out of money. I am pissed of my his behavior. As a wife, I would want his special attention but that I am being treated just like any other person in his life. I don't know now whether I have higher expectations or he is wrong.
User article | dating, someone else
“Emotional affair with my ex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years, together for over 14 and we have 2 young kids. I love my husband very much and we have a good, comfortable relationship but it has always lacked real intimacy and passion. Sex is just okay, and he seems fine with that. Over the years I have suggested doing things to spice it up and he’s always in agreement but has never really made an effort. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how to improve our sex life. Maybe that’s why I contacted my ex who happens to be the only person who’s ever satisfied me sexually. This is someone I haven’t seen in over 15 years and have only exchanged the odd message in all that time. I thought I’d just say hello, enquire after his kids and that would be that, like it has been every other time in the last 15 years. Instead, we got to reminiscing about the past, clearing up misunderstandings and just enjoying talking to each other after so long. It progressed from messages to Skyping and now I want to talk with him every day. Just to give a bit of background on our relationship; we met while he was married. His wife wasn’t interested in sex and he thought having an extramarital affair would save his sanity and eventually his marriage. I was a ‘good girl’ so I don’t quite know how I got messed up with him. All I know is that we had an unbelievable chemistry that I hadn’t experienced before or since. Now he’s divorced and single and I’m the one who’s married but it seems we still have amazing sexual chemistry. Fortunately, geography is not on our side so it’s unlikely that we would ever be together again but from our conversations I have come to understand myself better and more importantly, what I get from him that I don’t get from my husband. So now I’ve come to the crux of the matter, how do I get my husband to understand that sex is important to me and his lack of interest in improving our sex life is putting a wedge between us? How do I get him to care? Maybe someone could point me in the direction of reading materials and other resources that could help.
Ask the community | emotional affair, sexless
“Extreme confusion over breakup”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Hi all, My girlfriend and I split up last week and I’m finding it all extremely confusing, with lots of different emotions and thoughts in my head. Hoping someone can shed some light. We got together just over year ago and I think I knew she had issues with relationships and intimacy when she’d explained things about her past relationships: she had seen those relationships as temporary and never considered they might last, she craved a lot of alone time etc. With me, she was totally different. At first and seemingly for a while, she couldn’t get enough of me - it may have just been the honeymoon phase but she assured me she’d never felt this way about anyone before, and it was totally different. I admittedly do suffer depression and low self esteem sometimes so I did have a hard time believing this; I had a voice at the back of my head with niggling doubts as I was afraid of getting hurt, but we carried on and had an amazing time together with lots of laughs, intimacy and fun. She met my family, I met hers, it was great. Then the old ways started to creep back in at the 6 month mark, as she said we were spending too much time together (a few nights a week) and she was losing sight of herself, she thought it was unhealthy to talk as much as we did. Just FYI I wasn’t talking to her 24/7 and still maintained good friendships throughout all of this. She said she wished we’d slowed it down from the start even though she was the one who first said ‘I love you’ (2 months in!) and kept saying she didn’t want anyone else, but also didn’t like the ‘girlfriend’ label until I put my foot down and said if we are exclusive then she must be my girlfriend. Anyway, after she said all this about losing herself I felt very hurt and backed off, only to have her resume the relationship as before; I’d tell her she was free to go home if she didn’t want to stay the night and she’d tell me she missed me. I felt like I was getting mixed messages which annoyed, hurt and confused me. She explained a lot of it was guilt - maybe she sensed her desire for excessive space hurt me. She then discovered her parents were going to get a divorce which I think triggered her own depression (which she has had for a long time and is on medication for). I noticed a change in her from then on, our sex life suffered and I grew increasingly insecure. She’d lost her spark and I didn’t know if it was me, her parents, her desire for space or a combination of things. Either way I felt unwanted. Long story short, we tried and tried and put a lot of effort in but the last few months all I can say is she shut me out. She couldn’t handle us having arguments and would completely shut down, unable to talk and kept referencing how when her parents spoke to her the same thing happened. The more I pushed the more she pulled away, til I finally gave her space (all the while I was riddled with anxiety) but said I’d be there for her and loved her loads, but I realised she’d just mentally checked out. We actually ended it over the phone in the end as I said enough is enough, this isn’t a relationship and she said she agreed and can’t give me what I want. Now she says she’s convinced we are just in different stages of our life: I know I want a committed relationship with future plans, she just doesn’t know what she wants but kept saying she did want me. Every time I talk to her she feels attacked and like I criticise her; if I say what behaviour of hers I struggle with, she says that she can’t handle hearing how much of a rubbish person she is. I obviously haven’t said that but that is how she hears it. Anyway, she now says she wants to go and work on herself but to stay in touch as she cares about me and doesn’t want to close off the chance of us making it work once she’s in a better mental place. But for me, being the cynic/realist I am, I just think it’s unrealistic to expect everything to perfectly align and I can’t hold on to the hope we will get back together because the breakup has already hurt me so much - if we reconciled only for it to fail again I’d have to heal again and I don’t feel able to put myself through unnecessary pain. Now I flit obsessively between I want us to work, she’s the one, I deserve better, it wasn’t healthy. I’m going mad over it. We met to exchange stuff the other day and spent four hours together. It was like girl I fell in love with was back for a bit - she kissed and cuddled and wouldn’t let go and I let her because I love her, but I came away more confused than I was going in. She said she’d go get some professional help and I said to look me up if she works out what she wants. She said we couldn’t speak for one week then we’d take it from there. I spoke to my friends who said it sounded more like a break than a breakup, but when I clarified this with her she said it was a breakup - I then couldn’t clock why she was kissing me and everything and she said it was to say goodbye. But she’s also said she’ll be there for me if I really need her which I don’t think is going to work because how can we heal? I guess I won’t know anything until some time has passed but I spoke to her yesterday and said I don’t want to not talk for a week and potentially go back to square one of all the breakup pain if we talk again at that point. I said it’s easier in my mind if I treat this as permanent and told her not to talk to me. She asked if we would remain friends on Facebook, I said I don’t know. I just don’t know what her motives are. She sounds extremely confused so maybe there’s no point trying to suss out what she wants when she doesn’t know herself. Sorry it’s such a long post - only as I read it now can I see how crazy the whole thing has been. Any tips for navigating this? Should I expect to never hear from her again? Is it beyond hope? Would people ever reconcile after years apart? (She thinks this is how long she’ll need to get past her issues)
Ask the community | breakups
“He doesn’t want me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My fiancé doesn’t want me. His excuses, he’s tired and not a very sexual person...yet after last relationship in 3 mths slept with at least 6 women (before me, none of my business and didn’t want to know but daughter showed me texts and all daddy’s gfs on an old phone. But he had lied to me and said he didn’t get intimate with just random women) forgave him but our sexual life stayed the same. Struggles with self esteem and feeling rejected I held on hoping for better but never got better. He blows his lid over nothing end it with me and jumps right into sleeping with two women while we are apart. Comes back says he’s sorry, please forgive him, I did because I love him. Think things will get better sexually. Nope. Rarely touches me. Same excuses despite me knowing as soon as we broke up and the short time we were apart he was sexual with two other women. I tell him it’s me, he denies it and gets mad when I point out if he didn’t want sex why as soon as we broke up he was having sex with one female and then another? Help? Am I crazy?would anyone believe he wants her when he doesn’t touch her but goes and has sex when he is not with her? Basically that’s what he is saying to me. That he wants me but it’s all these reasons. Those reasons didn’t stop him with two random females when we were apart. And the insult to injury, he treats me like I’m so stupid that I will believe he wants me when he never shows it. I don’t know why he’s with me. Help me please! Am I wrong to not understand his logic or reasoning because it seems like bs to me.
Ask the community | intimacy, sex
“I’m having trouble having sex”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My partner and I have been together for nearly three years. An issue we have had for quite some time is that for them sex is intimacy, and for me an actual connection and intimacy is needed before i can have sex. Lately they said they have tried to initiate sex, and honestly my body just wont have it. I feel gross, and sometimes the thought of sex just makes my skin crawl because it doesn't appeal to me. I enjoy the intimacy that can sometimes comes with sex, and i wish i could experience sex as enjoyably as would be deemed 'normal', but it's not something I can seem to do.... it's been a really difficult part of our relationship because I do my best to support them, and be there for them in any way i can, but they don't think I love or care about them because I can't put out on command. and because of that they grow distant and think I want nothing to do with them, making me feel unwanted and more unable to feel a connection with them, and thus wanting to have sex even less. And when i explain that it's that I don't feel a connection and or feel actual pain when they try to initiate, they just get pissed off and say they don't know what to do. we're both at a loss. They only feel that connection and intimacy through sex And because i don't feel the intimacy or wanted I can't bring myself to have sex... Any advice?
Ask the community | intimacy, sex
“Long distance relationship tips”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   Don’t sweat it. Most people think their long distance relationship will fail because they fear their partner will replace them with someone else. In an attempt to protect themselves from this fear, their brain highlights their partner’s most negative traits. This is a common defense mechanism which prepares for the emotional pain of a break-up. However, couples who establish that they have a trusting, committed relationship, and work on their own individual mental health report greater intimacy in their long distance relationships. Lower levels of psychological distress in each individual also has positive effects on commitment, communication, and satisfaction in the long-distance relationship. Healthy daily activities such as running, yoga and meditation can all contribute to a greater relationship with one’s self, which in turn results in more positivity and optimism in the relationship. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. The scarcity effect is a technique successful marketers use to increase the value perception of their products. If a product is less available, people view it as more desirable as a certain status applies to the exclusive few who have it. The latest iPhone must be amazing if there is a long queue of people waiting at the store opening to acquire one of the scarce few, right? In long-distance relationships, the demand almost always exceeds the supply. You love each other deeply but cannot see each other as much as you would like. Due to this, couples perceive each other – and their time together – as more valuable. Planning frequent visits ahead of schedule provides anticipation and excitement. It also shows a willingness to invest in the relationship, which promotes security within it. Those who continue to arrange special and thoughtful dates once committed to each other have reported much more relationship satisfaction than those who see each other when it’s convenient. Communication is key. Although physically seeing each other may be a scarcity, speaking with each other should not be. Communication really is key as it results in less loneliness, greater feelings of intimacy, and lower levels of jealousy. Try to make it a mixture of planned and spontaneous communication to keep the relationship both comforting and filled with excitement.
User article | long distance, communication
“We argue constantly”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under a year. At first it was amazing, he treasured me so much and made me feel like I was his complete world. He has made a few mistakes along the way but always fought to rectify them and made sure that I knew how sorry he was (none of the mistakes were massive). Lately, everything just seems to have changed and we just seem to be arguing constantly, no matter how hard we try not to. He struggles with communication and doesn’t talk about his problems due to his childhood where he had to learn to deal with things on his own and couldn’t rely on others to be there for him. Due to this, I rarely know what’s going on inside his head and I think that sometimes, he doesn’t even know what’s going on inside his head. It can often take a good hour or two of me talking to him before he starts to open up, until then he appears to just shut down. Lately when we argue, he says that he is fed up and doesn’t think we will work and that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But when we are fine again, he says that he doesn’t ever mean that, that he doesn’t want to lose me and that he’s only saying these things because he’s feeling low at the time (he struggles with low mood but hasn’t been diagnosed with depression). The way that he talks to me during arguments and generally how he treats me has changed. We’ve sat down and discussed the things that need changing (communication being the key thing, especially in arguments). We’ve been working on these things and although we do sometimes go into old habits again, generally our communication and how we handle arguments is a lot better (taking time away before the argument escalates, being constructive instead of just digging at each other). There are also things that he needs to change, such as lying which has been an issue. He now seems to be being far more truthful to me, even if he knows that I won’t like what I hear. Having said all of that, when we argue he always just says that nothing has changed and that nothing will ever change (when we aren’t arguing he acknowledges that things are slowly changing and that these things don’t just happen over night). The thing that I struggle with is that I don’t know which is the truth... is he telling the truth when in an argument or just saying it to get at me? Does he say the truth when things are good or just say what he thinks I want to hear? I’m worried about our future and whether things will ever get easier. Currently I am the one fighting for our relationship because he is in a low place anyway and struggles to talk, and then we have the constant arguments on top. He also told me that he has insecurities and he’s convinced that the inevitable is that I am going to leave him for someone else someday, which I think puts him in the mindset that there’s no point in fighting for something that is going to end anyway. Will things ever get easier or are they destined to be doomed?
Ask the community | arguments, depression
“He doesn’t trust me”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My boyfriend's last relationship failed due to her cheating on him. My relationships have always failed because I've allowed them to abuse, humiliate, and control me. Our relationship was going pretty well until I moved in. We were both used to living alone and not having to answer to anyone. I had spent 4 years in therapy gaining the strength to love myself and create boundaries with people that made me comfortable. My boyfriend hasn't had much therapy and has extreme trust issues. We had been fighting and he told me to leave. He had been trying to tell me who I could be friends with, I wasn't allowed to talk to family or friends to vent about my struggles, I had to make sure it was okay for me to go places, he wanted me to go to bed when he did, I couldn't go in another room to have time to myself, etc. I felt controlled again. I'm 47 years old and didn't feel I needed permission. I did move out. We were texting and he was very angry. Was calling me names and threatened to hurt himself. I was concerned for him and sent his sisters our conversation. Since then we have been trying to work on this and he doesn't trust me at all because I sent our texts to his sisters. I apologized and offered to do more to show he could trust me. I had to leave his house early last weekend because my best friend was in a serious car crash and I was her emergency contact. He didn't believe me and said I needed to take a picture to prove I was at the hospital. I did and my friend was extremely upset. I was devastated that I did something against her will but he said I needed to do what he asked so he could trust me. I have double pneumonia and have been in bed. He said he didn't know if i was telling the truth, but he wouldn't ask for proof. I honestly have done absolutely nothing for him not to trust me except sending our texts to his sisters. Ever. He said I haven't done anything to earn his trust and that I need to. Am I wrong in not feeling like this is right? I really need advice.
Ask the community | trust, emotional abuse, control
“He wants to take the kids”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I found out that my five years husband was cheating on me and leaving with another woman for three months and I kicked him out. He was making feel I was paranoid and obsessed but i saw his text message as he had his phone sharing things with the laptop so I saw everything... After that I accepted it and was living my life again, after five years I was very depressed and I was not happy at all. We were being cordial for the kids , he came to my house to see them and the last time he came crying he is regretting his decision, that she was controlling him...bla, bla, bla...the worst part I believe him and we kissed. He told me he has to make a big decision. The next day he was texting me about the birthday party of his girlfriend ‘s daughter if I allowed the kids to go. Still one month for the party and i said we will speak in person...so he started getting angry that I don’t allow the kids with him that he wants to marry her...so I said after what we did yesterday and you tell me and she listened it...so she went mental and they had a big argument and now he is blaming me for all that...why i said that...and treated me that he is going to make my life a hell and he will take the kids....I am very tired of always be the one to blame for his lies and for everything... any suggestions what to do??
Ask the community | cheating, someone else
“Struggling to get over being cheated on”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I have been with my boyfriend just over 2 years, its been the best and happiest relationship i have ever had and we moved in together early May this year. It was the best our relationship had ever been ( or so i thought) and he was talking about marriage, having a family etc. This all came crashing down when i received a message whilst we were on a couples holiday from a girl telling me that she had slept with my boyfriend a week prior. Ever since this has happened i think i have felt every emotion in the book and it is so exhausting. I have tried having a ‘break’ from the relationship but just couldn’t do it. I feel so weak for not being able to leave and i don’t think i have fully come to terms with the fact that this person probably isn’t who i thought he was. It hasn’t been helped due to him lying about it for weeks until i confronted him with evidence when he finally admitted it, and i don’t know whether the lies or the cheating hurt more? The woman he cheated with is gorgeous, a stripper and older than me and since this i feel completely inadequate. I can’t stop thinking what is it about me that led him to do that? why did he lie so much? how could he jeopardise a relationship like ours? I feel so low in myself and its affecting my daily life. I can’t sleep properly and constantly have flashbacks and we are now 3 months on. I feel like i should be over this by now but i just can’t move on. I love him so much and feel like i don’t know my own identity without him and i just don’t know what to do. Any advice whatsoever would be so appreciated x
Ask the community | cheating, someone else
“Relationship issues and trust”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   I particularly am writing about one of my friend who is desperately looking for help or some therapy to help her through the rough journey. Therapist visits are expensive and a lower middle class family cannot afford it. If you can somehow help her with information or an in depth article on relationship issues and how to deal with it, I'm sure it would help her and millions of maybe other women who can relate to their own story. One day she caught her husband of 26 years cheating on her. He had been seeing the other woman for past 2 years and exchanging sexual messages and spending time together alone with the other woman. He was having sexual relationship with the other woman and also constantly sexting with her for past 2 years. My friends whole world crashed. She could not accept it. Her husband was her ideal, someone she cherished and looked upon always. He was her strength. She could not bear the pain and hurt and would cry for hours locking herself in the toilet. She wanted to leave her husband but could not do so thinking of her kids. Now every time she looks at his face she cannot find the man she once loved. It was as if he was a stranger. 26 years of her life with him felt a waste. She felt let down. The day she caught him cheating was a tragic day. She was running a very high fever, so he lovingly took her to the doctor, gave her medicine and put her to bed and then went to meet the other woman saying he was going for a prayer meet. All along he was planning and plotting while being so nice to her on the face. She could not bear this hypocrisy. Everyday she goes through anguish and pain. She tells me how could he do this to her and then come back home and sleep and share their bed as if nothing happened? She says her whole faith and trust is broken and now she does not know how she can believe in him? She cannot afford a therapist. Please help her with your article or suggestions on how she can move forward. Your feedback would help her greatly. Also, I would like to mention one more thing which I missed mentioning. She had confronted her husband on this and he said that it was nothing and a mistake and would not repeat it. He said she asked him if he wanted sex and so he had said yes and it was only a sexual relation. My friend feels because he got caught and forgot their love and togetherness when he cheated on her. She feels he keeps contact with her and in his mobile her number is still kept saved. N----- talks of death and wanting to die and although she is still with him, she cannot come to terms with her pain and is unable to trust him anymore. This worries me as she was a very jovial and loving person and now she is withdrawn and in her own shell, not wanting to meet people. Please do help. Very worried for her. She is not in a position to hire a therapist. I do hope you would be able to somehow help.
Ask the community | cheating, trust, emotional affair
“Texting behind my back”
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________   My wife is texting a co-worker who just got divorced after 24 years of marriage. They have been texting behind my back, talking long hours on the phone. He gave her a new phone after her phone broke, I kept my mouth shut after I found out that they are getting to close to each other, but one day after I refused having sex with her, that I feel insecure and she better explains to me what is going on. She said that she will stop talking to him and texting him , but it was not my point , my point was whether i should trust you or not anymore. I know it sounds stupid but I'm the kind of persons who never trust after they have been fooled once ! I asked her what have you been guys talking about , and her answer was " we talk about stupid stuff " , I said " if me and you talk about stupid stuff for more than 20 minutes , you will be bored and want to do something fun instead ". I decided to leave her which i did for a couple months now , and never come back until she or he shows me what was the content of the text messages , otherwise there is no way that i go back with her ! Trust is not a game , she arranged a phone conference with me and the guy , he said that he does not keep his text messages and only the president of the United states can restore them and there was nothing going on between him and my wife anyway !!! now we are on a divorce process and she seems not worried at all , she just put the blame on me !!
Ask the community | cheating, trust, emotional affair